Monday, December 21, 2009

Extra, Extra, Read Allllll About It!

Just when you thought that you couldn't be famous for being crazy without being arrested, along comes me, the Olympic torch and the Hamilton Spectator.

Today's Spec features a wee blurb (by reporter Dana Brown) on the front page about how Olympic crazed I am, and a picture of my crazed Quatchi and Mukmuk loving self is on the second page.

You can go here to see them all together. Eeeeee!

It's My Torch To Bear/Bare

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

You Better Not Cry, I'm Telling You Why - The Olympic Torch Is Coming To Toooown!

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok....ok.



You may find out alllll of the helpful details here, but I'll also cut and paste some deets ici:

The public are encouraged to come early to Dundurn Castle and check out activities beginning at 4:00 pm provided by sponsors Coca-Cola and RBC. Dundurn Castle will offer free guided tours from 12:00 pm to 3:00 pm, and free roaming tours from 3:00 pm to 6:00 pm with interpreters stationed throughout the home.

12:00 pm-6:00 pm Free tours of Dundurn Castle

4:00 pm Activities begin at Dundurn National Historic Site

5:30 pm Celebration begins; entertainers include Tom Wilson, John Ellison, Jude Johnson, Hamilton Youth Steel Orchestra and more

6:30 pm Olympic Torch Relay enters Hamilton

3:30 pm-8:00 pm HSR special shuttle from the north side of King Street between Hughson and John to Dundurn Castle

Sooooo, you should probably come to the party, or at least see the torch go by. It may not be back for a good many years. You'll remember it. And if you come to the party you can come and take pictures of me stalking Quatchi.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

So Close Yet So Far Away

To continue beating on a dead horse, or a recovery laptop...I get lovely lappy back this afternoon with a new hard drive and OS. Much blog posting will happen and things will get back to "normal".

And just so you have something different to read - in lappy's absence I have made around 15 or so meters of popcorn strings, 25 beer cap Christmas tree ornaments, a coke bottle angel, and a smattering of paper snowflakes.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

How Am I Even Breathing?

My little baby, my lappy (aka my laptop computer) is still in the hospital. The good Mr. BvO has diagnosed it with a corrupted operating system and possibly the beginnings of a hard disk failure. So it must remain the hospital for a blood transfusion and possible surgery. It will not be back in my sweet loving arms until late Monday or Tuesday.

Those of you who know me well, know that this is a severe kink in my life. I do have to say that it isn't so much the lack of internet at my disposal that is bothering me (although, i will say that occasionally it becomes an inconvenience) but the lack of media playing. I use the lappy as a sleep and relaxation aide - I fall asleep while listening to tv shows that are on my external hard drive and picture what is happening in them, thus allowing my brain to stop spinning.

So sweet lappy, I pine for you and your safe return. I am trying to be strong in your absence, but I must admit, I am distraught.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Critically Ill

My laptop is in critical condition at a talented friend's tech hospital. Posting may be limited while this crisis is sorted out.

Your sympathy, understanding, eggs benny, big macs, cokes and macbook pros are appreciated.

- Management

Friday, November 27, 2009

Things That Make You Go Awwh

Next in our all good gifts series: the local nail salon/joint/place.

Let's talk about pedicures here people. I don't care if you're man, woman, or transgendered, if ya gots feet then they would probably love some lovin. Many commercial districts have these little nail places in strip malls. You know the ones, in those smaller shopping plazas with the pizza place, the convenience store and some other place to get food or clothing or both. And they have these nail places. The ones I generally notice have some sort of Asian related name. Ok, now you know where to look.

Here is why you should be looking - these places often have great deals. I'm talking 10-15$ less than your average upscale marble encrusted, mineral water giving spas (not that spas aren't great and very delightful to go to, i'm just sayin'). Now, I'm not sure if you've ever had a pedicure. But they are fairly fantastic. You don't have to get your nails painted, which doesn't matter, 'cause really, nail painting is just the sprinkles that are on the icing which is on the cake. You get a good soaking that's all relaxing and nice, a bit of a foot/calf massage. Then they get rid of all the masses of dead skin on your feet. You know all those places where your feet are peeling (especially now that we're in the transition from sandals to socks). They get all the grime and sin out from your toe nails (don't worry, there is no judging) and then they chop dem nails up nice. Chop, as in not rip (i know a significant number of the male population that rips, hecks, i know chicks who do it too, hecks, sometimes i do it). So then your feet are just nice. They're clean, they're not so rough and your nails are all clean and proper. Mmmm. Proper.

It's easy to make these outings a pairs things - your Mom and your sister, your Mom and your Dad, you and a friend, you and your lover, you and your mail carrier, you and your cousin's dog trimmer, whoever. If you grab coffees on the way, the whole experience could be done for 50$ and it lasts a decent amount of time. So let's recap - you can have an hour of face time with someone you like (or someone with bad feet that you just have to help), or you can have an hour with someone out of the house, you get clean, smooth, nice nailed toes, and you can cross another person off your gift list. It's win-win people.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It Was Not Eggs Benny, But It Was A Way To Start The Day

I thought I'd share with you how my day started on Monday. It is a tale that will warm the cockles of your heart.

It is no secret that I'm not a champ at sleeping or that bouts of insomnia mess with my life. And due to a medication snafu, the insomnia is gonna roar for a week or two. Let's go to the lack of sun time between Sunday and Monday shall we? I didn't spend enough of it being asleep. But by 6:30am I was as close to soundly sleeping as I had been in a while. That was until I started hearing a car horn. The kind of pattern one uses to beckon someone from a dwelling. (How's yer cockles, getting warm yet?) One or two beckonings would have been fine, understandable, even necessary. Twenty to thirty minutes of horn beckoning between 6:30 and 7am is not ok. Not ok (eye contact, head shaking).

After 20 minutes of horning I threw open the shutters and pulled back the sash (no bedpan Dad) to see what or who on earth - or 2 doors down on my street, could be making this rage inducing racket. It was a car. Sitting there. Idling. Idling and using it's horn to urge someone to come outside. I went downstairs to get a better look and...and honking again. My coat was on and I was out the door faster than you could say, "hey, don't get the snot beat outta you!"

I approached the car from the sidewalk to see a man in reflective construction garb, sitting in his car with the window down. The following is our "dialogue". All expletives have been smudged.

Me: Excuse me, is it you that is honking?

Angry Construction Man: Yah.

Me: Could you please not.

ACM: Ok.

Me: (starts to turn and walk away)

ACM: What are you, some sort of F'ing lawyer or something, that you don't need to be at work until 9?

Me: (a wide variety of answers flashing before me to use, but Jesus standing there holding my tongue) No.

ACM: 'Cause I'm just f'ing trying to get someone somewhere on f'ing time.

Me: Ok. But maybe could you try knocking on the door instead of honking?

ACM: Maybe you could mind your f'ing business.

Me: Ok.

(at this point a very embarrassed lady-friend comes skulking out of the house and mumbles an apology and I begin to start walking away again)

ACM: (as he's about to pull away) Go F yourself.

Tender moments in morning people, I bet your cockles are real warm now.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pop Goes the Bacon, 'Cause the Bacon Goes Pop!

Next in our series of all good gifts - from the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise we now have.... Bacon Pop - microwave bacon & butter flavoured popcorn. Ok, I'll wait while you get up off the floor..... (ouch, you may want to get that head wound looked at, or park your chair further away from your desk when you're reading my blog at work)... and you're up. Good for you.

J & D have done it again - their tagline says it all - "Everything should taste like bacon." Amen my brothers, amen. While your at the website trying to decide if you want to spend 3.99$ on one box or 11.99$ on the tri-box easy gifts for 3 people or 1 hungry bacon lover, be sure to check out the rest of their delicious products for the rest of your gifting needs.

Friday, November 20, 2009


Dear Grandma,

Today would have been your 90th birthday. I'm sad that I'm not packing to head home for the weekend to celebrate with the whole family. I would have loved to give you a birthday hug.

I miss you.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Gift of Gifting

I have been told that I'm a good gift giver. And though I know that blah, blah, commercialism, blah, blah taking the Christ out of Christmas, blah, blah, I still like getting people presents and I sure as heck like receiving them too. So I have decided that as the mood strikes me as we move towards December 25th, I will present some gift ideas. Take them, use them for your loved ones or even your boss. Ha ha ha snort ha.

The first in our delightful series of all good gifts involves one of my most favouritest radio stations - Jazz FM @ 91.1 on your FM dial. They are listener supported, kind of like PBS but with way less Sarah Brightman specials. They have 4 minutes per hour of advertising - 4 minutes...per hour...!! They are playing 24 hours a day, broadcast from Toronto into South Western Ontario and Upstate New York, feature just about every kind of jazz you can imagine, support local artists and up and coming students, aaaaand they have informative, witty and knowledgeable on air personalities. So much goodness.

Now, twice a year they do a fundraising kick for a couple of weeks so they can keep playing music and not ads. Also unlike PBS or TVO they have ridiculously enticing incentives to donate. There are a couple I would like to highlight as fantastic gifts.
  1. a wee donation of 750$ will get you or someone of your choo-choo-choosing a half an hour of hosting time on a Sunday evening. Yup, that's a half hour radio show - you pick the songs and I think you get to pick one of their on air personalities to co-host with you and you get a cd of your thirty minutes of fame. Wow.
  2. a Jazz Safari - I'll just copy in the info from their website about this fantasmic deal - Roundtrip economy class airfare for two (2) from Toronto to New Orleans. Departs Toronto January 15th, 2010. Departs New Orleans January 17th, 2010. Roundtrip airport/hotel transfers for two (2). 4-star hotel accommodations in The French Quarter (vicinity) based on double occupancy. Check-in January 15th, Check-out January 17th. Club admissions on The Jazz Safari on January 15th, 2009 (maximum of four club admissions per person on designated event route). A tax receipt in the amount of $2, 000 CDN.
Um, so I'm not sure why you're not on their website or calling them (1 800 811 2400) to donate and pick up some great gifts. This fundraising campaign runs until November, 22, 2009.

(N.B. didn't lstew co-op in radio? didn't she compete at musicfest canada with her high school jazz choir?)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Oskie What What?

Once upon a time on Saturday night (technically it was early, early Sunday morning), I was minding my own business being asleep. Then all of a sudden I wake up and I can't breath without coughing (I am an asthmatic recovering from a chest cold). Even just shallow nasal breathing sends me into fits of in which I can barely catch my breath. A little bit of inhaler time and some self talk reminding me that I was not dying solved that. But I slept like restless crap after that.

That kinda set up the suckiness for my morning - feeling just off and bleh and bleh and gross. So when you're feeling like that, there is really only one thing that you can fully throw yourself into - opposite action all the way.... Hamilton Ti-Cats playoff football. Duh.

Two excited fans waiting for the game to start:


My boyfriends:

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Some Real Solid Parenting

Just in case there are little ones in your life - this is a very good and highly recommended place to take care of your diapering needs in a way that feels good for your heart, your wallet and your earth.

Monday, November 09, 2009

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things

Quatchi (whom I cuddle with every night, who is in many forms stuck to the back of my car, whose picture is on the fleece blanket adorning my bed, who is in postcard form a few times in my collection, who has been coloured by me and some crayons on many occasions) and Prince Charles (whose hand I shook last week) together. Oh. My.

(many thanks to Dad for pointing this out to me)

Friday, November 06, 2009

A Tale of a Daughter of the Empire

Once upon a this morning I was trying to have a nap after a restless night when my lovely roommate Ames come up to inform me that I had visitors. The lovely Linda and ravishing Richard where in my kitchen looking for an umbrella and possible company. They informed me that Prince Charles and Camilla were down at the HMCS Haida getting a tour and they were aiming to do some royal stalking. Obviously I wanted a piece of that action, so I threw on some outdoor protection and my United Empire Loyalist pin and took off with my friends. We got ourselves some great standing ground by the car we figured the couple would be taking. We had prime placement for watching Camilla get in the pretty black car, but Prince Charles did not get in with her.

He was shaking hands with the crowd. The crowd on our side. And, (fanfare please) he shook hands with me! Eeeee! I shook hands with Prince Charles! I'd say that was worth getting out of bed for.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Eco Friendly

I'm waiting for a certain beloved former school of mine to go down this route...

Monday, November 02, 2009

World Class

Mukmuk eyes up the luge start at the Whistler Sliding Centre

Friday, October 30, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Possible Delays In Service

Hello faithful blog readers. This is your friendly neighbourhood lstew. I'm coming to you today from the comfort of my kitchen to tell you that me Daddy an' I are heading to British Colombia tomorrow and will be there for a week. This may 'cause interruptions in regular updates. My apologies for any distress this may cause.

-The Management

Friday, October 02, 2009

I Think They're Missing Some Big Marketing Possibilities

From (and my Dad)

What the ...? Wisconsin Tourism Federation changes name to avoid potentially vulgar acronym

MADISON, Wis. - A Wisconsin tourism lobbying group is changing its name after realizing its initials formed a crude acronym.

The Wisconsin Tourism Federation group did a quiet rebranding in July, changing its name to the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin and updating its logo from WTF to TFW after it was featured on Web sites and blogs poking fun at it. It had no way of knowing 30 years ago that the letters would go on to take on a crude association.

Lead lobbyist for the group, Chet Gerlach, said Wednesday that the federation made the change after the meaning of the common text message lingo was brought to their attention.

FWIW (For what it's worth), officials say Wisconsin's tourism industry is a $13 billion business and grew 2.7 per cent last year.

Monday, September 28, 2009

A Little Different Than Earworm

I have this funny little habit. Ok, I have thousands of funny little habits. But let's focus on just one for this post. The habit of focus is this - sometimes when I see something (and label it) or think about something very specific, the term or label pops into a song that fits the syllables of the term. That explanation was kind of convoluted, so let me share an example.

Sunday evening I was standing out on my porch and I saw a couple walking by. The female of the couple was wearing skinny jeans. I identified them as such. Then in my head I started singing (to the tune of Silver Bells), "skiiiny jeaaans, skuh-innny jeansss, it's Christmas time by the bay-ay." I'll share a couple of others to prove that it is indeed a quirk of mine.

One day after a particularly enraging meeting I was walking home singing Zippidy Doo Dah in my head. But the lyrics, uh, well, I'll use a rhyming word, it went like this: "duckity, duck, duck, duckity yeah...". Or last week (this one's a little different) I was getting ready to go out for Chinese with my friend Linda and my head took the tune from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat and started going "Go, go, go Linda, you know what they say. Hang on now Linda you'll make it someday. Sha-la-la Linda, you're doing fine. You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time!"

Does anyone else do this?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


1 Friday afternoon + 1 roommate's hair extentions + coffee grounds + vapo rub = Dwayne

Friday, September 18, 2009

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Goo Goo

Ok, I have something to admit. I like Lady Gaga. I think she's good for pop music. And on Saturday I cleaned the upstairs bathroom for an hour, fueled by her infectious pop rhythms.

Up until a few months ago she was a very tiny blip on my radar. To the best of my knowledge I hadn't even heard the entirety of one of her songs (which is what happens when you don't spend much time with top 20 radio). But then, while engaging in one of my favourite activities - reading in the bathroom, she got up in the face of my cultural radar. Through one 3 page spread in Macleans I came to respect her and what she is doing with her art. Yup, I called it art. Lianne George of Macleans says in the spread, "Instead of engaging the idea of 'realness,' she's created an absurdist alternate reality - identifying David Bowie, Freddie Mercury and Warhol as her inspirations - where music, fashion, performance art and sex collide to create a commercial art supernova."

Gaga is bringing pop back. She says in interviews that you won't catch her blogging about her feelings or pumping gas in a t-shirt and flip flops. She's living her art and I feel like I need to applaud her for it. In my mind she's leading a renaissance to the days of true performers. Pop performers don't get to be human, nor do I think we want them to be. In this time of recession and transition, I don't want to know about pop star's regular everyday problems. I want to be transported, distracted and entertained. Lady Gaga is training hard in this trade

On Sunday night I happened to catch her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. I have to say that I was actually moved by the intensity of her performance. Thus far I haven't located a posting of it that I can embed here. But, you can you find it on MTV's site here (chose the 15th clip) or this lesser quality youtube post here.

Uh, concluding sentence...shake ure kitty.

Friday, September 11, 2009

We're On A Boat (Yes, With Flippy Floppies) [updated]

Soooo, last weekend a couple of roommates' parents brought their bought up to our place and we took it out. Possibly at one point we found ourselves in a week channel meeting some sizable swells coming in from Lake Ontario. Here is some topsy turny (mostly what you'll have to do with your head) footage:

(UPDATE - you can actually watch it now)

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Watching People In Labour

Willem and I took in Hamilton's Labour Day parade. There was a dragon, and we got a frisbee and some candy and there were dogs and buses and trucks and an old timey school teacher and whistles and pipers and waving and fun. Awww.

Friday, September 04, 2009

We're Living In A Slap Dash Episode

Next in a series of things that would make the universe better if I owned them is this:

Reasons it would be good for me to have the SLAAAAP CHOP:
  • I really like to cook.
  • I love to keep expanding my repertoire and taking mini adventures with traditional recipes or the dishes I grew up with.
  • I live with 7 other people.
  • Moving sharp blades that swing to look like a butterfly for dishwasher safe easy cleaning (we don't have a dishwasher).
  • This would help cut prep time.
  • The guy on the ad looks crazy.
  • This would help cut dishes.
  • More growth in cooking due to the ease of prep.
  • It's named Slap Chop

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Laura The Merciful

If I ever need to send underlings to collect things for me, I think I'm going to hire this cat...

"It seems that the time has come for you to repay your loan. Laura the Merciful requires your cooperation in this."

"I see. You do not *have* the money. Ms. Merciful has given me the authority to strongly encourage you to *find* the money."

Monday, August 31, 2009

Shooting Star

Dear Grandma,

It'll be a year at dinner time that you left us. I can't say that 365 days has made me ok with that fact. I'm not sure what the interaction is like between earthly and heavenly realms, or even if there is any. I will not be surprised to find out that it is something we do down here to comfort ourselves. But I'm gonna pretend that one of the fun things to do in heaven is read blogs.

We had to go through many firsts this year - first non-wedding anniversary, non-birthday, Christmas, birthdays, Mother's day, Thanksgiving, Easter, births, etc. These things go on without you, but they don't look the same.

I still miss you quite a bit. I miss calling you after epic baseball games. I miss calling you when God moves in my life. I miss giving you hugs and receiving them. I miss writing you letters. I miss getting letters from you in the mail. I miss all the ways you loved my parents and how I benefited from that. I miss your laugh. I miss the fact that you rarely said good-bye at the end of a phone call. I miss sitting with my laptop and showing you pictures and trying to stop you from poking my screen with your jagged old lady fingernails. I miss teasing you about the constant poor performances of the Blue Jays. I miss having you agree with me that John can get into the craziest situations. I miss that you loved the things in my life, despite the fact that they were less exciting than John's. Mostly I miss you.

You probably know that Grandpa is doing well. But he tells us regularly that there is not a day that goes by where he does not miss you with his whole heart. I can only know pieces of what that feels like 'cause I only knew you for 27 years. He has known you and your beauty since you were both in grade school.

I want to tell you that all the love you gave me, the faith you had in me, and the faith you taught me are still living on. Grandma you were not just a drop in bucket. You were a beautiful wave in the ocean - one that is still rippling on.

I love you,


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Plucked From My Head

While looking at blades that have grown too long,
do you ever have the urge to braid your lawn?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Life Lessons From The Laptop

Yesterday evening I was surfing the interwebs on my lappy. I went to look at the time and noticed the little battery icon was telling me that I had little charge left. 90% of the time when the battery drops to 15% charge it say "Hey, plug me in or I'll die!" This was one of the times within that 10% when it didn't. If I had not have looked over at the time, I would not have seen the icon and the lappy would have died right in the middle of the things I was doing.

Being one who is cursed/blessed to see every (expletive) thing as a life lesson or sermon analogy, this little idiosyncrasy of life didn't seem be any exception. Two lessons came to mind as I plugged my computer in...

The first is that we're a lot like the laptop; we can run for a good amount of time, doing all kinds of things, but if we don't plug in, we'll die. Coming from my Christian way of looking at things, I would extrapolate that into meaning that we need to plug into Christ (and really the whole rest of the Trinity). We can plug into Christ by a very wide variety of ways (just like the many outlets we find in our homes). We must plug in by prayer and through the Word. We also need to plug into Christian community.

The second thing I thought about was the warning pop-up that tells me I should plug the computer in. This actually took me in two directions. One, was that as community we need to sometimes be that warning pop-up that says plug in (via the ways above). Sometimes we don't want to be the annoying pop-up that urges action. But if we don't want people to die (spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc) then we have to do that urging to plug into what is good and what is needed to recharge and be able to continue functioning. The second was that we often want to ignore the little warning. I often push the limits of my computer's (and my personal) battery life, thinking that I can look at a few more things, or complete a few more tasks before I have to plug in. But often I end up so very close to the finish and then ending up with no battery life and a forced shut down.

I know that's a lot of thought on a laptop battery. But it was just what was going through my head. Feel free to pilfer these and use them for any uses you may have. Grin.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

We Will Survive

From Monkey Goggles:

How to Survive the Bacon Apocalypse

Bacon is fallen. The salty paragon has enjoyed a terrific burst of stardom these past few years — bacon martinis, bacon-filled chocolates, bacon-flavored mayonnaise and other culinary landmarks almost too wondrous to describe — but the recent outbreak of Swine Flu has taken the sizzle off the strip. Baconnaise has become a favorite Jon Stewart punchline (despite the fact that it contains no actual bacon), and in a May 2009 Stranger article titled “The End of Baconmania,” writer Erica C. Barnett declared, “(I’ll take a) fresh radish dipped in butter … over a fatty, greasy hunk of bacon any day.” (lstew's note - I'll be tracking Ms. Barnett down and promptly punching her in the neck and then eating a package of bacon in front of her while she tries to get up)

Thus are the fatty excesses of Baconmania condemned to the freezer-can of history. Radishes. Wow.

I could never give up on bacon. It occupies a dedicated place in my heart that’s both spiritual and potentially life-threatening. Granted, I didn’t jump into the frying pan with the rest of the baconistas – I consider bacon “martinis” to be an abomination of both the breakfast and cocktail hours – but I can’t imagine a hearty breakfast without bacon, and I don’t want to. I love it lean or streaky, smoked or peppered, chewy or crispy. I enjoy simply looking at it – one long, gently bowing strip on either side of my eggs and toast, like edible parenthesis.

However, I completely understand if you’d like to keep your own passion for bacon in check until this plague of Hamthrax has passed. Perhaps you’re leery of blurting out “Hey, howzabout that bacon?” at social functions, where the mere mention of pork-barrel politics could render you suspect as a motorboat riding the wake of a supertanker — a possible baconeer.

It is at that moment, when the eyes of your peers are upon you, that you should burst forth with “Hey, howzabout that mac ‘n’ cheese?”

An electric pause will hang in the air as heads swim and eyes roll in expressions of naked ecstasy. Yes, of course! What better to replace one cholesterol-heavy dish than another, even more cholesterol-heavy dish? A dish that evokes childhood happiness as well as adult rebellion? A dish that could be made at home with store-bought ingredients, or enjoyed in hoity-toity restaurants with the same ingredients at three times the price? What indeed?

And like bacon, thee possibilities for hybrid mac ‘n’ cheese creations are virtually limitless in number. I’ve already seen deep-fried mac ‘n’ cheese balls in some of the finer establishments, and it’s only a matter of time before mac ‘n’ cheese salads, mac ‘c’cheese ice cream and even mac ‘n’ cheese martinis make their appearances. And through it all, we can continue to live the bacon adventure in what will become a judgment-free environment, while also enjoying what a mac ‘n’ cheese renaissance has to offer.

Not convinced? Then consider this: Late at night, behind locked doors and drawn curtains, we can even put bacon into our mac ‘n’ cheese. It’s as perfect an expression of Yankee ingenuity as you’ll ever taste.

Hmm. Now that I’ve said that, it seems like an awful lot of fat and calories to put down in one sitting. You may want to eat a vegetable of some kind afterward to keep yourself from going into shock. A radish, maybe.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

I have no chickens, but I can tell you this: Willem and Thor won the contest. Yes, you (finally) heard it here first (or if you're my Dad, on the phone last night).

They have both won personally autographed photos of yours truly and if they talk to me nicely in the next couple of days we'll work something out that involves me cooking or baking to their immediate benefit.

Thanks to everyone who entered! Stay tuned this fall/winter for more riveting quiz action!

Monday, July 27, 2009


Contest results will be delayed due to yesterday's death of my Big Poppa/Grandpa Renton.

Friday, July 24, 2009

8 Ball Says...

Here are your answers to Monday's quiz. If you're feeling brave, or like you want to win a prize, leave a comment with how you did. You can be anonymous if you want. Feel free to share things that were shocking to you, or where you think you know me better than I know myself.

Once again, the winner(s) will be announced on Monday after all the comments are in (10pm, Sunday July 26th cut off for submissions to be eligible for the contest, but feel free just for interest sake to let us know how you did beyond the cut off date, just no prizes for you).
  1. What year was I born? - 1981
  2. What city was I born in? - Wallaceburg, Ontario, Canada
  3. How many children are in my family? - 2
  4. Where do they live? - Whistler, British Columbia, Canada; Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
  5. What is my favourite colour? - Blue
  6. What is my favourite sport? - Baseball/Softball
  7. How many citizenships do I have? - 1
  8. What is my favourite animal? - Giraffe
  9. What colour is the stone in my nose ring? - Pink
  10. How many piercings do I have? - 7
  11. How many tattoos do I have? - 2
  12. What were my high schools sports teams named? (like Spartans or Pioneers) - The Blue Dragons
  13. Excluding Canada, how many countries have I set foot in? - 5 (USA, Ghana, Holland, Hong Kong/China, India)
  14. How many times have I been engaged? - 0
  15. Through what did I become a Christian? (although the Holy Spirit is technically a correct answer, it is not the one I'm looking for here) - Northumberland Youth For Christ
  16. Who is my favourite jazz artist? - Billie Holiday
  17. Who is my favourite theologian? - Martin Luther
  18. What was the name of my first car? - Maurice
  19. What major(s) and minor(s) did I graduate with? - Double majors Religion & Theology and Theatre Arts with a minor in English
  20. What year did I graduate from university? - 2008
  21. If you know, I'll give you a hug to not tell anyone what year I graduated from high school. - 2000
  22. Name 3 things I'm allergic to. - Honey bees, wasps, certain trees, certain grasses, ragweed, dust mites, cat dander
  23. What is my favourite drink (I'll accept one of 3 answers here - or all three for bonus points)? - Coca Cola Classic, Purple Knee-high, Pina Colada made from scratch
  24. What is my favourite type of non-anglo food (or "ethnic" food)? - Thai (or maaaaybe Mexican)
  25. Name 4 jobs I've had since I left high school. - Integrated pest management technician, grant proposal researcher and writer, assisting seniors in learning computer skills, rec centre staff, tree nursery staff, gardener, pita roller, pita pit manager, teaching assistant, baby sitter, production assistant, production manager, ice cream truck driver, landscaper, lawn crew girl, Spectator door-to-door subscription sales girl, A&W burger maker, greenhouse worker, office/administrative assistant, data-entry monkey, research monkey, envelope stuffer, singer, YMCA membership sales & service rep, uhh and I think that might be it

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Everyone Has Their Price

Franco Language Police: What makes you think I can be bought?
Anglo Restaurant Owner: Short, cheap suit, sweats too much; I read you're the perfect candidate for a bribe.
- Royal Canadian Air Farce

I want to encourage you to jot down your answers to Monday's quiz questions. If you're running into problems with some of the answers and you're worried that you may end up out of the running for one of the exciting prizes, I have a piece of information for you - I can be bought. Yes, there it is, on the internet for all to see. A case of Coca-Cola Classic, a Big Mac meal (no onion, extra pickles), a sack full of candy, a pizza, a lovely neck/back/shoulder massage, buffalo chicken, mozza sticks, gasoline, ice cream cones, mafia hits on people I owe money too, trips to Cancun; all of these are acceptable bribes for an answer or two (feel free to make up your own bribes).

One of these highly affordable options could give you the edge on the road to fame. The winner(s) will be featured on on Monday, along with what they have won! Can you even stand the excitement? I know I can't, so I think I'll fall asleep.

I'd start fueling up my jet or getting my chickens and buffaloes together if I were you.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Testing, Testing

If you're on facebook you may have been subjected to a barrage of requests asking you to take quizzes testing your knowledge of friends and family. I'm proud to say that I have managed not to take any of these quizzes. But I can say that I am intrigued by them. Every so often I like to give my loyal blog readers an edge over facebook peeps.

In that spirit, I am creating a "How Well Do You Know Lstew? quiz right here, right now. Read the questions, jot down your answers somewhere and on Friday I'll post the answers. There will be a prize (or prizes) based on scores.

  1. What year was I born?
  2. What city was I born in?
  3. How many children are in my family?
  4. Where do they live?
  5. What is my favourite colour?
  6. What is my favourite sport?
  7. How many citizenships do I have?
  8. What is my favourite animal?
  9. What colour is the stone in my nose ring?
  10. How many piercings do I have?
  11. How many tattoos do I have?
  12. What were my high schools sports teams named? (like Spartans or Pioneers)
  13. Excluding Canada, how many countries have I set foot in?
  14. How many times have I been engaged?
  15. Though what did I become a Christian? (although the Holy Spirit is technically a correct answer, it is not the one I'm looking for here)
  16. Who is my favourite jazz artist?
  17. Who is my favourite theologian?
  18. What was the name of my first car?
  19. What major(s) and minor(s) did I graduate with?
  20. What year did I graduate from university?
  21. If you know, I'll give you a hug to not tell anyone what year I graduated from high school.
  22. Name 3 things I'm allergic to.
  23. What is my favourite drink (I'll accept one of 3 answers here - or all three for bonus points)?
  24. What is my favourite type of non-anglo food (or "ethnic" food)?
  25. Name 4 jobs I've had since I left high school.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Give The (Mostly) Non Kosher Gift Of Love

Let's say you're sitting around and you're thinking, "Dag, that Lstew is a great ol' gal. I'd love to encourage her. I think I will do that by buying her a gift." Now, this thought might come to you because it's leading up to the 25th of June or the 25th of December (aka birthday and Christmas). Or maybe you've noticed me working hard and want to help reward me. Or maybe it's a day ending in 'y'. Who is to say? Regardless of what brings on this beautiful inspiration, I have a few ideas for you as you choose to express your love.

Now, it is no secret that I love bacon. While noodling around on a great website, I stumbled upon a goldmine of bacon related gifts. Rather than a lot of descriptions, why don't I break it down for you list style:
Well, that should keep you going for a bit. While you dig out your credit card, I'm gonna go lick my dreams.


Saturday, July 11, 2009

This Is Like Your Free Preview

Everybody tells me that someday I'm going to write a book about the things that have happened in my life. Every once in a while a line comes to me that (in my head) sounds like it would be good in an autobiography. I think I may be starting a new potential ongoing series by sharing a couple of those lines with you know.

"... and that's when I realized that not everyone could instantly identify a portrait of Martin Luther."

"Michael Jackson died on my 28th birthday... at the pub while we were celebrating, the televisions paused their ongoing tributes to him in order to show us live coverage of the moving of his dead body. It was great birthday party fodder."

Friday, July 10, 2009

Not Prophetic

Take a good look at this, 'cause you'll likely never see anything like it again...

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Terribly Sinful

I'm secretly hoping that someone from my recent past blog stalks me. If so, CK this is for you:

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Eye Soap

It's 10:30am and I've already seen 2 topless old men. Any guesses on what my daily total will be?


How come we can make Christmas lights that will flash to specific music, but we can't find a way to wrap the average stick of butter so that you don't have to open both ends to get a clear slice of the butter?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

She's A Little Curvy

(a wee creation of mine: one tea light, one mini pair of vice grips, one cork, one cork screw, one crazy woman)

Friday, June 19, 2009

Where Was I When That Happened?

I was washing my hands after urinating this evening and looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed that one corner of my "eye skin" was all dark. I mentally chastised myself for having got my eye region so dirty and not realized it. Thusly, I began to try and wash away the dark spot. It turned out not to be dirt, grease or sin, but bruising. I have a partial black eye and NO idea how it got like that. Zero.

It's just a little guy, but still so strange.

I'll let you know if baby spiders hatch out of it, or if the police show up at my door looking for a statement.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Who Is Watching Who?

I'm cat sitting this guy for the next couple weeks. I like him.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Can I Borrow Your Pellet Gun?

Critters are eating my ripening strawberries. Two knowledgeable gardeners have jokingly suggested a pellet gun as a solution. Hmmm. I think the combination of insomnia and fire arms is a great idea. Look out Alexander and friends!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

So Many Flightless Birds, So Little Time

If you're looking for something to do this weekend, might I suggest Wingfest at Pier 8 (that's the part of the bay front/harbour with Williams Coffee Pub).

It boasts:
  • a whole lotta wings (and food)
  • a midway - aka RIDES!
  • an art show
  • cheap boat cruises
  • fireworks on Saturday night
  • live music - including Henry Strong's current jazz band, The Spoons, Honeymoon Suite and April Wine
It's free to get in until 6pm at which point it'll cost ya a whole two bucks. You should probably check it out. I am.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Monday, June 08, 2009


This is one of my neighbourhood friends, Alexander. He's friendly and almost assuredly full of lead paint.