Thursday, July 31, 2008

Resting My Head

It occurred to me that I have been on the road a fair amount this summer. By the end of the summer (and this could change still, who knows what could happen in the remaining weeks) I will have slept overnight in:
  1. Hamilton, ON
  2. Ancaster, ON
  3. Brighton, ON
  4. Chatham, ON
  5. Morpeth, ON
  6. Aylmer, ON
  7. London, ON
  8. Toronto, ON
  9. Richmond Hill, ON
  10. Wawa, ON
  11. Brandon, MB
  12. Calgary, AB
  13. Whistler, BC
  14. Vancouver, BC
  15. Franklin, TN, USA
  16. Barbourville, KY, USA

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

New Love

Dear Harris Park,

Just so you know, we're going to be friends. I hope to see a lot of you soon.

Love and bats and geese and fireflies,


Monday, July 28, 2008

Money Makes The World Go 'Round

Yes, but sort of. I feel that maybe refined sugar makes my world go 'round. But if you put money and sugar in the same thinking a quote from the Simpsons makes sense:

"First you get the sugar, then you get the women, then you get the power."

I need sugar, I am a woman - someone is getting powerful. It might be Mr. Redpath.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I Am In BIG Trouble (And Single For Life)

Perhaps a few years ago I acquired a 5 CD box set called Disney Classics: 60 Years of Musical Magic. Yeah, I know, I'm just as surprised as you are. I recently became very aware of one of the songs from this set. Its called "Femininity" and its from Summer Magic, starring Hayley Mills.

The song outlines the many ways femininity plays into a young woman catching a male. I thought I knew about these things, but this song has taught me otherwise and if it holds truth, well, I could be single for a very, very long time.

You must walk feminine {so the part where i walk like i have prosthetic limbs...that's not feminine?}
Talk feminine {doable, totally doable}
Smile and beguile feminine {i don't know what beguile means, i hope that's not important}
Utilize your femininity
That's what every girl should know,
if she wants to catch a beau

Dance feminine
Glance feminine
Act shy and sigh feminine {shy? what does that mean?}
Compliment his masculinity {does asking for tickets to the gun show count?}
That's what every girl should know,
if she wants to catch a beau

Let him do the talking
Men adore good listeners {check}
Laugh, but not too loudly (Haha) {crap. i'm done. which way to the convent?}
If he should choose to tell a joke
Be radiant, but delicate {sorry, which part of me is delicate?}
Memorize the rules of etiquette
Be demure, sweet and pure
Hide the real you
{and then what? go postal after 30 years of marriage?)

You must look feminine
Dress feminine
{like basketball shorts...right?}
You're at your best feminine
Emphasize your femininity
That's what every girl should know
Femininity, femininity
That's the way to catch a beau

And just so you can get a feel for the song, i found this on youtube:

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

When Life Hands You Lemons...

...You aren't squeezing them and making juice.

All I want to do is put a bit of lemon juice in some homemade ice tea. I have been to 4 grocery stores (2 Food Basics, a No-Frills and a Fortinos) and not one of them has had lemon juice in stock. Hoards of lime juice (I don't want no stinkin' lime juice), but no lemon juice.

I have a draft of my letter to the mayor, discussing my outrage almost ready to send.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Kentucky Waterfall

I decided that my car is a mullet. Yup, a mullet - business in the front, party in the back.

I drive a silver Civic. It is a pretty boring car. When you stand at the front of it you see silver and you the grey interior. The most exciting thing you see in the front is a tiny gymbe hanging from my rear view mirror.

Once you move to the back you get the party. The two rear passenger seat windows have static clings on them, the rear windshield has 2 clings on it. Then you get to the bumper which boasts 5 bumper stickers. The party is in the back.

Mullets are back in Europe. Give me 3 years and my car will be so very cool here.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Not Cool

Guess what I just did? No, no, still wrong, cold, colder. Ok, you can't guess, so I'll tell you.

I just killed a bee - IN MY APARTMENT. Not cool. Working inside should mean that I do not have to fear death from bees. I just went around with some tape and made sure that all screens are sealed. This should make things better. But oy!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Monday, July 14, 2008


A great piece of wisdom was passed on to me from a sage friend this weekend. I can see why she has been charged to teach high school students.

"The loneliest goat has the deepest roots."

So true.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Greedy, Manipulative and Living In A Fantasy Land

This would be a perfect day for my boyfriend (who doesn't exist, well, I'm quite sure that he is born and wandering around somewhere, he's just not my boyfriend yet), who this summer is working outside (and therefore had the day off because of the rain); to, after a leisurely start to his day (which includes going back to sleep, having a nice breakfast and watching Sportcentre for a while), bring me a very large french vanilla from Tim Hortons. Then he would just chill here while I worked and later excuse himself to take care of a few things. I would think nothing of it, and then he would come back with lunch.

Rich & satisfying.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Lunch Time Posting On Sober Realities

The past couple of days I have noticed a lot of traffic passing by my building. The traffic is people of a 'younger' nature and they are mostly on foot. Some are on bicycles. I was confused as to why there would be so many kids mucking about in the middle of the day. Then it hit me - a very sobering thought - there is a high school very close to my building and across the street from my building is a convenience store and a pizza joint - these kids are not just out for physical fitness, they're on lunch hour from...sigh... SUMMER SCHOOL. I feel so deeply for these teens. I have done the summer school thing. Once in high school and one summer course for my undergrad.

I know some of these kids have made their own beds by messing around during the regular school year and now they have to lay in them..lie in them? Whatever. But some, like just suck at certain subjects. I failed gr 11 advanced math twice and to get my gr 11 math credit, I took gr 11 general math in summer school. I actually got a great mark, somewhere in the 80s or 90s. My teacher was awesome and very straight forward. He would teach during the morning and then those who only needed a half credit or something would leave. Then he would allow the rest of us to do our homework in class for the afternoon. If we needed help, he would give it. He also told us sometimes terrible stories from his days at Trent or living in Toronto. We small town kids were deliciously scandalized! He had a great format for testing too. Every morning we would have a quiz. The quiz would consist of 10 questions picked at random from the previous day's homework. At the end of each week we would have a test and the test contained questions picked at random from each day's quizzes. Then at the end of the course the exam was questions picked at random from the tests. So if you did your homework, and kept it corrected and corrected your quizzes and tests you were fine. And I was.

That's my story.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I Hope The Fox Execs Are Reading

If certain pigeons were people and my balcony was really a room in my apartment, then I would be living in a sitcom. The premise would be as such:

I date and possibly live with (in sin) a man named Irwin. We break up in a very messy way because he cheats on me with Bernice. In the break up I retain our apartment and I am glad to be rid of his presence in my life. But he goes to all 'our' places with Bernice and I am constantly confronted by the two of them. They have two kids together. Then, things get rocky with Bernice and Irwin - as he cheats on her a couple times with another woman. Bernice doesn't know what to do, so she moves out of their place and comes knocking on my door - with a kid in each hand, and pregnant with twins. For some reason (maybe I had recently hit my head, or perhaps a protein deficiency) I allow Bernice and her two kids and her two fetuses to move in with me. This is compounded by the fact that Irwin wants her back and wants to be a father to all of the children.

It has a few aspects of various existing sitcom plots. But on the whole I think its got potential. There are about a billion ways tension could occur withing a 22 minute episode.

Here are 'the twins' in real life, after being 'born:

Their names are Isaac and Muriel

This is a close up of Isaac (who flew the coop on Tuesday)

Monday, July 07, 2008

Interpreting The Thoughts Of My Wireless Card

Wireless Card: Dee, dee, doo. Things seem to be working quite nicely. Wouldn't you say so Computer?

Computer: (sweating because his little fan can't keep up with the heat he creates by running) Hummm, hummm. Oh yes, very well.

WC: Well then its time to change that. Let's see 'Good connection and signal strength' eh?

C: Wireless Card, what are you doing?

WC: I'm having a little fun! Ok, signal!

Computer User: AH! Where did the signal go? The computer sitting beside this one still has a signal. What is going on? Ok, I'll refresh the list of connections.

WC: And lets just say that there are no wireless connections. Heh heh.

CU: WHAAAT? What do you mean no wireless networks available. I have a router in my expletive apartment! AHHHH! I'm in the middle of everything. Come back signal, come back (begins to sob).

C: Wireless Card, that isn't very nice. You better give the signal back to her, she's crying. And what if she cries over us, we could get wet.

WC: Good point, and really, I'm just going to pull this stunt again in 5 and a half minutes. Ahh ha ha ha, life is good.

Sunday, July 06, 2008


As the weather has been getting nicer, my time on my balcony has been increasing. Tonight I spent a few hours out there reading. Pretty much it was one of the best nights I have had in a long time.

I am reading A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. This particular copy of the book belonged to my Grandma and Grandpa Stewart. I have been totally loving this book - it has been rich enough that I have not been able to devour it - which is often a treat for me. It is also very, very emotional and I found my cheeks wet multiple times just in the prologue.

Tonight I found myself lost in the emotional height of the book, and there I sat, in the summer warmth, as the sun went down, quietly sobbing as I turned the pages. It was beautiful.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Life (updated, with a big side note)

The side note comes first. Side note on the side note - did I make that up? Is there such a thing as a side note? Or is that a term I invented in my head and use with such frequency that others both believe it and use it?

Ok - so in the past month or so I have found out 3 pieces of information that people should never, ever have told me. The information they gave me is oh, so very dangerous in the hands/mind of someone like myself.
  1. One friend told me that when I change my facebook status she gets a text messagey buzz thing to her phone. That's right, every time I change my facebook status her pocket or purse or desk buzzes. Oh the power.
  2. Another friend told me pretty much the same thing, but its with emails. He is doing something in construction or landscaping. So I'm pretty sure if I send my emails right I could be responsible for having him fall off a roof or taking his foot off with a shovel.
  3. I was also informed that the labour organization for which I am a contract worker, uses Google Alerts. Thusly, when they are mentioned online a dude in Vancouver (I think) gets an email telling him about it. And I am not going to lie, that totally makes me want to embed the 4 letter abbreviation for this organization (to be named later in the post) in random posts that have nothing to do with it, just because I know someone is going to get an alert about it. And does that make me immature, irresponsible, silly, power hungry, a little dumb? Yes, yes it does.
So, a slight clarification on my job. I do not actually work for that labour group. I am an independent contractor, doing some work for them. I'm doing some pretty cool work with some often very complicated documents. The end result will be a lot of good for a lot of people. So I'm actually pretty tickled to be a part of the process. I'm also tickled to be getting a pay cheque - oh to be able to tell Rogers to reactivate my cell...sigh.

Its a pretty sweet deal. I work from home and make my own hours (there some stipulations in there). So I love going to bed at night and wondering, "hmm, what time do I want to get up and go to work tomorrow?" Its all pretty much determined by what else I'm doing in that day. I also love the whole dressing for work thing. I can get up, put on the same pair of basketball shorts that I've been wearing all week, throw on a clean t-shirt and I'm set. Mmm, I also enjoy being able to swear both at the computers and the documents in the privacy of my dinning room. That same privacy is nice when I have to get up to stop my back from hurting and I do crazy dances, or hop on my exercise ball to loosen up.

It lacks a little more sugar (hello pay cheque) and a comfy chair (borrowing one tomorrow) and then I'll pretty much be the queen of contractors.

Flaky Hippie Girl

I know I'm a total flake. I am more than aware of this. Part of it is a genetic thing. Its cool.

Maybe yesterday my flaky hippie side dancing out - I was sitting at my kitchen table/home office which is right beside the door to the balcony. There was a lot of wind yesterday, and there are a lot of trees near me. I could hear the big sweeping wind go through the trees and to me it sounded like waves (of water). If you through in the gulls (and the pigeons?) and the sounds of children playing then (I thought) when you close your eyes, it could totally sound like you're near water.

Maybe when Mrs. L. came to pick me up for our belated birthday dinner date, I made her come out to the balcony with me and close her eyes and humour me by telling me that the wind sounded like water.

I'm not sure 'regular' people do that.