Thursday, September 23, 2010

All Your Problems Are Solved

Christmas is around a very large corner.  Last year I provided a boat load of fantastic gift ideas.  I believe most of them were ignored.  The exception being the delightful pedicures my lovely cousin Katherine and I had. 

I am promising to do better this year.  I believe I have solved all of your Christmas gift problems.  No more will you sit around, scratching your head until it bleeds, wondering what to get your mother-in-law.  Battles between couples that degrade into vase throwing and fire poker swinging over plasma televisions and stairmasters will dissolve into sixties-esque love-ins.

This glorious gift-o-rama is a website for a Hamilton, ON based business.  You can get every gift you need for really, any season, all from this one website, all from the comfort of your own home.

This magical, magnificent website is:

Happy shopping!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Bacon Tree

This joke comes by way of the beautiful Nikki Gerrits (who got it from her Mom):

(please forgive any racial stereotyping)

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ..... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees




Ees a ham bush...."

Monday, September 06, 2010

Things You Might Say To Your Computer or Significant Other

  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. I think I gave you a virus.
  3. Can't you load quicker?
  4. After you recharge you'll feel better.
  5. That's not what I asked you to do.
  6. You're too loud.
  7. Why aren't you working?
  8. Why can't I turn you on?
  9. Reboot this!
  10. You've really slowed down over the years.

Friday, September 03, 2010


Dear Secret Boyfriend,

I just learned that African Lion Safari has a baby giraffe. I love giraffes. Let's go see it.

Anticipatorily yours,