Saturday, April 30, 2005


Just thought I'd say hy. I went home for a couple days to pretend to relax. I'm back now. Orientation for my summer job is all day Sunday and then I actually start on Monday. I'll be working 7-3 Mon-Fri. Lets hang out, call me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

What I'm Doing Now...

First time...

After tonight I will be done two consecutive years of school. This is the first time since highschool that I've completed two consecutive years. This month also marks two years drug free.

Jesus is cool.

Monday, April 18, 2005

My Brother

This is a picture of my brother at an outdoor party last night. Yes he is sitting on a couch that is on fire.

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Sometimes School Makes Me Feel Like...

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(also introducting my cousin Pete's new daughter, Kate.)

The Demon Soliloquies From Last Night's CITB

Things have changed since the past. The powers of faith have driven us underground but we still thrive… So...another Sunday, another battleground. It's almost too easy. It is brilliant having them enter like cows to the slaughter instead of warriors for battle. The social atmosphere when entering is perfect. So loud, distracting very difficult for any serious meditation and therefore revelation. “Wake up, O Sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” That’s exactly what we don’t want. Seeing their eyes closed, and their hands raised to Him in true worship. We want it to be purely social. To loose the actual reason why they’re going. We can distract them. Make them unaware of his presence, and take them from him. The faith is organized and powerful but they have not yet won. We still have a chance. They can still be corrupted by many unseen forces. We have powers beyond any human understanding; working in the shadows has given us this. There are many things in their lives that we can distract them from Him with. They think that going into a 24/7-prayer room will help them get closer to Him, but they forget that they can do that in their own dorm rooms. They are focusing more on the room rather than the prayer itself. We can even distract them by letting them focus on the art in the room, or by others writing on the walls. Making them focus on people in the audience will help us. They think they’re coming here for the service, but really it’s a big show…they’re focusing more on vanity. For what reason? To worship Him? I don’t think so. And that’s exactly where we can hit them. Stress and distraction are wonderful tools. We have to make sure that the speaker doesn’t try to convict them. We have to make them focus on mistakes and the speaker’s approach to the message. Make them hear it the same way every time, keep it stale, if they believe it to be stale then they won't hear His voice calling out to renew them. We cannot let them focus on Him. It is time….

You even say it in your precious book "They may be ever seeing, but never perceiving and ever hearing but never understanding." Otherwise they may turn and be forgiven. This is our tool. They think because they attend the Church, your house, whatever denomination, they are safe but they couldn't be more wrong. Just because they go to church, does not mean they are saved. They don’t realize that true Christianity is about living out a personal relationship with you and they cannot possibly see how large a role the church plays in the great battle between hell and heaven. As long as we prevent them from ever meeting with you while they go to their home churches or CITB, then we have won. We will make them talk about the poor choice of songs, the mistakes made in the sermon; if we divert their attention to their boyfriends or girlfriends or even let them fantasize about being with someone else. For the noble ones, we can let them worry about worship wars or theological soundness of sermons. We will make them forget your power and have them forget you listen to cries of even the weakest of those stupid sheep. We will make them afraid of silence-the place they can truly meet you, and have them drown out your voice by music or by the voices of their friends. Anything that will keep their focus off you, Carpenter, and they become ours. No – not even in the church or in “Christian” circles are they safe. The funniest part of this is I don't care about them at all, they mean nothing to me. Where you love them, you died for them. I couldn't care less. This is nothing to me. Nothing more than a game of chess. Check - it's your move and it looks like I'm winning.

Saturday, April 16, 2005


So I've decided with every overdue and not yet due project I move on to I get to post a picture that represents it in some way. Here is the current project...

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ps, are those water balloons or condoms in the tree?

Friday, April 15, 2005


So one of the girls at work told me about something that piqued my interest. She said that if you can get 10 people into a Boston Pizza you can do an all-you-can-eat pizza and pop kinda thing. She said it is 12.99$/person and there are something like 5 or 6 different kinds of pizza that they bring you (one of which is veggie). They also just bring lots of pitchers of whatever kind of pop/ice tea you want. This seems like a pretty good deal/idea to me. And I feel that there will be enough of us around this summer to make it worthwhile (if not this summer then after a choir event next year! Or on tour - do they have BP's in BC?). The one sort of catch is that you can't get any pizza you can't finish boxed up. But my pita co-worker told me that they came prepared with tupperware.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Another new job

I've decided that I'm not going back to Redeemer in the fall. Instead i'm going to illustrate flash cartoons and sell merch.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A load off

I would just like to say thank you for prayer. Today I was hired by the City of Hamilton to plant and maintain flowers in the middle of the road (and maybe some parks). AND I have a third roommate who is both lovely and wonderful. Not that first roommate is not full of grace and beauty. I have a feeling there will be a lot of non-sexual crushing going on.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Laura Loves Katy

This is my Katy blog post. And what better way to honour Katy than with an acrostic poem?

Yellow hair

On the ball
Really awesome
One of a kind

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Remember when I said that my brother was playing at the metrodome? Well here he is in right field catching a fly ball...

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That Rapskalion has been holding out on us!

I made an addition to my side bar because.....

Tenor John has a blog.

Monday, April 11, 2005

MS Supercities Walk

Hey money giving, MS hating friends....

I (and many other Pita Pit employees) are doing the Supercities Walk this Sunday morning. Please sponsor me. I'll have my sheet with me this week. Stop me in the hall and shove money in my hand! Do it!

Sunday, April 10, 2005


Lisa said this to me:

"I've got another game if you'll sit on my lap."


Friday, April 08, 2005

The A-Line and Redemption

Women with hips have recently been ousted from fashion queendom. Hips are a very useful things. They can be used for making the birthing process easier, hip-checking, holding up pants, looking shapely, hula-hoops and many more. Why then are pants being made that don't allow for these meccas of efficiency? Why then are girls who resemble praying mantises being lauded as pinnicles of femininity.

Fortunatly those of us with hips have a saviour: the A-Line. The A-Line is gentle, the A-Line is kind. It is all forgiving and ever complimenting. Below the knee it blesses. Above the knee it caresses. The A-Line dress and the A-Line skirt have long been the salvation and kinsman redeemer of hippy girls world wide.

Lets take a minute and give thanks....

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Bathtub Adverts

Have you ever taken a look at bathtub advertisements? There is a distinct difference between what people are doing in the bath which seems to depend on their age. Take a look: if they are under 50 then they are likely relaxing, eyes closed and getting away from the stress of life (or there is someone else in the bath with them). If they are over 50 then they are in some kind of modified for mobility bathtub and it looks like they are having the best time of their lives while taking a bath. I guess if old people were looking relaxed in the bathtub people might think they were dead.

Just something I noticed.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Headlines from Lalalaura Land...

  • Study reveals McDonald's fries induce weight loss and enhance beauty
  • Redeemer University College deems paper writing to be a colossal waste of time
  • Use of money abolished world wide, hugs the new currency
  • Jesus is coming back tonight
  • Pizza said to be a cancer fighting agent
  • Ontario government makes University a priority by paying for students to attend
  • Fat is the new thin
  • High heels are found to cause brain damage
  • God commands skinny girls to be slaves for everyone over 150lbs
  • Cats no longer a problem for allergy sufferers
  • Vanilla Coke discovered to be a gigantic aphrodisiac
  • Girls who sing are great lovers

You there! Lover her up...

Hey, Melissa's birthday is on Saturday. Please send her lots of cyber love.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

My April 3rd Winter Story

As Lisa, Marleah, Tim and I woke up in our humble one room log cabin this morning we knew we were in for a day of unpleasant precipitation. Tim had slept over at our place because his lead sled dog, Sasha died yesterday of liver failure. Marleah had to go and work at the nunnery and didn't want to disappoint them by letting the weather stop her from coming. So Tim acted as lead sled dog and Marleah mushed him all the way to Woodstock. He came back on his own.

Lisa and I knew there was no way that 10 feet of snow was going to keep us away from First CRC. We started by rubbing our naked bodies with whale blubber (for warmth and slip) then put on two layers of long johns, seal skin pants and fox skin coats. On our feet we put mukluks made of black bear and then strapped on our beaver skin snow shoes. The minute we stepped outside PETA was there. They threw red paint on us, called us disgusting neanderthals and set the log cabin on fire.

After we put the fire out (with the help of mother nature's little friend precipitation) we went back inside to get dressed again as the PETA people had burnt our clothes off. We were glad for the layer of whale blubber that saved us from third degree burns.

We set back out wearing essentially the same outfits but made of synthetic materials. The journey was long and treacherous. We were joined by a couple of Redeemer students whose lives were lost along the way. As Lisa and I were running low on supplies, we prayed and God gave us permission to eat their frozen flesh. Finally we arrived at church just in time for the service to start.

It was a glorious service filled with music from our harpsichord and cat gut fiddles. The cat gut fiddles were torched when the PETA people showed up. Who knew they were Christian? They must have tailed Lisa and I down the escarpment. We were all looking forward to a challenging and life altering sermon by Reverend Doctor M. Goheen. As he got up to deliver the message a polar bear got up too. They had words and then broke into fisticuffs. It was like watching Jacob wrestle God. The fight ended with the bear biting off Goheen's left leg from just above the knee. He (the bear) then continued his way to the front of the church were he delivered a convicting sermon on fish in the Bible.

At the end of the service the Voortman Cookies Acrobatic Snowmobile Exhibition Team came and gave everyone rides home, a box of cookies and a pat on the bum. A good time was had by all. Lisa and were happy to get back to our cozy log home to take some meat out of our smoke house and make soup and bread all day long.

The End.

Saturday, April 02, 2005


I keep meaning to type pericope (An extract or selection from a book, especially a reading from a Scripture that forms part of a church service.).

Instead I type periscope (Any of various tubular optical instruments that contain reflecting elements, such as mirrors and prisms, to permit observation from a position displaced from a direct line of sight.)

There is huge difference, especially when writing for a Wolters paper. I just don't think I can work a periscope into the fall narrative