Tonight

Hey, I know this is short notice, but if you're in the Hamilton area I'm taking part in a coffeehouse for a very cool cause. Its for War Child. War Child is an international organization that helps children affected by war. The coffeehouse is a rather long one, its sort of a Keep The Beat kind of thing. Anyway, it starts at 7pm and goes till 11pm. I'm playing between 9:15 and 9:40. It is located at the QQ Teashop which is located two doors east of Shoppers Drugmart on King St W in Westdale. Hope to see you there.

Some Have Asked

Erin Goheen this one's for you:

I saw The Passion of the Christ on Wednesday. Now, I'm not usually one for hype. I have seen only one of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which was seen at knife point. I didn't see Star Wars, etc. And I do realize the irony of voicing myself using Redeemer's current craze. I thought it was important to support this movie, film, effort, whatever you want to call it. So I went.

I'm glad I went, and I have plans to see it again, and I will probably buy it when/if it comes out on DVD. I found it to be powerful and impactful. As vivid as my imagination is I could not have had the historical/biblical/artistical backgrounds necessary to create imagery such as this film did. I will forever have the image of chunks of flesh being ripped out of my Saviour's back. (yes i know that wasn't actually Jesus, but an actor playing Jesus - "I'm not the real Jesus, I just play Him on TV") With every whip and lash He received I kept reminding myself that it was I who was inflicting them on Him.

As impactful as the character of Christ was, it was the character of Mary (Mother of God) who moved me to tears so many times. My heart ached with her and for her as watched the agonizing death of her son.

I recommend seeing. I think you'll regret it if you don't go.

(impactful = not a word)

Procrastinationayrlialism

I should be typing something very important. Instead I'm taking this time out to highlight one of the few actual weblinks in my link section. The link in question is: What's Your Blues Name? though the name of the site is Find Your Blues Name.

Its not set up very well, but it is still filled with hours of hilarious fun.

My blues name is Pretty Eyes Davis. One of the best I've encountered so far is my Aunt Margaret, who would be Jailhouse Gumbo Jackson. Sigh...it never gets old. So check it out and let me (and the rest of the world) know your blues name!

The Price Is Right celebrates 6000 episodes....

..helping old people feel popular, newly weds celebrate and armed service personnel get their due, The Price Is Right continues....

6000 episodes AND Bob Barker is hosting is 33rd season! Wha! Does it get any better?

http://www.cbs.com/daytime/price/about/justin/

I Don't Like My Apartment

Ok, don't get me wrong, I know there are millions who are homeless and would cut out my left eye to get my place. BUT...of all the places available mine is not the most desirable.

Reasons:
-i'm allergic to all the mold and mildew that cover this place
-i don't feel safe here, my landlord is a powder keg waiting to go off
-my landlord is a sex fiend with a screaming girlfriend
-my landlord has very active, early rising, loud kids
-it smells like a Laundromat
-it has another weird stink due to the landlord accidentally flooding the kitchen/laundry room twice
-the shower cubicle is metal
-the bathroom ceiling is coming down in pieces
-it is dangerous/awkward to heat
-the freezer does not keep consistent temperature, thereby ruining ice cream
-the fridge leaks
-there is no stove
-the toaster oven only works on broil or warm
-my landlord likes to loudly watch porn
-there is no heat in Krista's room
-he won't let us get a space heater
-the ceiling above our entrance leaks
-the eves trough above our outside entrance leaks and when it freezes we are frozen in
-the cable is fuzzy
-the washing machine discharges into our kitchen sink
-my landlord walks around naked with the blinds up

well those are a few. i know some of them are petty, but i'm PMSing, so i can't help it. i will be out of here as soon as exams are done.

Stolen (from others)

"It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is."

You are Desiderius Erasmus! You have great love for others and will do just about anything to show it to them. You are tolerant and avoid confrontations, so people generally are drawn to you. You are more quiet and reserved in front of strangers, but around some people you open up. When things get tough, you like to meditate alone. Unfortunately you often get things like "what a pansy," or "you're such a liberal."

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson


Ah ha ha ha...i'm quiet and reserved infront of strangers...ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cough. Sorry.

@ hoMe

Ok, so it has been "a few days"...a little catch up.

I'm at my parents right now and having a lovely time. My Dad's descriptions of my Mother's failing health were somewhat pessimistic. I woke up my first morning here to see her walking around in the kitchen. Now, to be fair she has lost a great deal of her mobility and even in the few days that I've been here she has lost and gained some of that mobility. But she's been pretty good none-the-less.

I think both parents are glad to have me here for company. Mom for during the day while Dad is at work, and Dad at night while Mom is asleep. Its fine for me. I like spending time with them.

I went wedding dress shopping with my cousin Katherine on Monday. A good time was had by all. No dress was purchased, but we have some better ideas on what she is looking for. There was much laughter, and I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed back to Lily's Bridal Boutique in Rossmore. Ah well, I didn't like that Lily lady anyway.

Ok, I'm done, my fingers are cold. My 'rents heat this old Victorian house with wood.

Hug

if you see me tomorrow give me a hug, i don't know why but i think i could use it.

*********

fragile and fleeting

how fragile it really is
a victory to fly, float and fleet
once at the corner of meekness and majesty
i don’t know where they are any more

arms that reach, don’t
rakes who won’t return anything
there’s really no one standing silent and still
i don’t know where they are anymore

finger nail, look, embrace
linger, pass, breath
heave, no, exit

© Laura Stewart 2004

50$! for a Song

Help please: I follow the Dauphin's down the mountain to Mac. We stop on Sterling St and park. Cassandra gets out and asks if I want to pay for parking, I reply that I don't and she tells me to park just where I am. At the end of the day I come back to a 50$ parking ticket. What should I do? I cannot afford to pay a 50$ parking ticket. Briemer has said I should get those that rode down with me to chip in. Hensen says that I should go to trial. So weigh in...do it soon. If I'm just going to do it have I have to pay it before Saturday, as it goes up to 75$ by then.

************

We will still need a song

Fu(k you.
You're drunk and acting tough.
I know you're sad
You're not the only one who feels like that now.

And maybe anger is your only choice
But maybe heart and fist and human voice
Might be the better way
Be the way.

But we will still need a song
To carry our love away.
To carry it away.
We will still need a song
To dance on our wedding day
to carry us away.

Don't let another tear be in your eyes
We can die in peace knowing we tried
To change our own ways.

The poets let a generation down
Modern music should be a healing sound
It's the only way

-Hawksley Workman

On the weekend Rebecca Teeuwsen told me that I looked great and happy when I was singing with the choir. Now I don't know about this great thing, but I was definitely happy. I love to sing. I think if I could sing all day everyday I would be truly happy. I know sometimes I grump about what I have to sing, but really I'm just being stupid. Sure I'm studying Religion and Theology and when people ask me vocational questions I spout something about parachurch ministry with teens. But really, I want to sing. I am an extrovert who loves to perform. I very much understand the art of presentation; which is not to say that I know everything about it. I've been singing in a performance setting since I was 4 years old. And I wasn't one of those music lesson kids who moved on to weddings and such. No, it was church things and as many musicals as I could safely get involved at school. It was jazz choir, concert choir, girls choir, church choir, competition ensemble, music teams, mission teams, coffee houses, living room concerts, parties, opening solo gigs, bands whatever... Now I am being an academic, I sing in the odd coffee house and in the choir, that is it. Well there is that bit of recording on the side. And why might you ask am I not on the Church in the Box music team, or Alpha Praise, or in a band or in the church choir. Why am I not finishing my CD? Why aren't I going out and getting more gigs? Why aren't I practicing my craft for 9 hours a day? The reason...I'm scared. I'm scared that I might actually be something. I do actually want to finish my degree and what if someone hears me and wants to sign me and my dream actually comes true. That would be the scariest thing ever. So I shall keep postponing things till my comfort zone erodes or .....?

I Smell Like Meat

Tuesday shall be my breathing day. Truthfully I don't want to go to classes. But as I have only missed one class this semester I feel diligence would be better than sloth. But I do adore sloth so much.

Ok, so some whatevers about the past few days:
1) i didn't do well on any of the 3 mid-terms i had last week
2) the surprise shower went off quite well. Krista was very surprised and received many nice "delicates" for use as married woman. Much fun was had.
3) OUCF ---> didn't enjoy the 50$ parking ticket (thanks Cassandra), but enjoyed myself. The Moier (sp?) workshop was the best in my opinion. She had a lot of good things to say and presented them well. I will use things she taught us. The chiropractor was hot. I didn't mind him touching my 'gluts'. I will use some of what he said too. The pseudo site singing was interesting. Some directors talked too much...cough, cough. It was nice to gain an appreciation for the challenge of other pieces, but I dunno there should have been a better way to do that. How, I'm not quite sure. The mass rehearsals went relatively well. The banquet was fun. I was quite impressed with the behaviour of our choir. With in our broad range of liberalism no one really embarrassed the school. In fact, I think we surprised the socks off some people who had presuppositions about how we would deal with dance and booze. Kudos to us.

that's all I want to say for now. I am quite sleepy. Tomorrow with the breathing shall come the true thinking.

Silver Toe-Polish

I should be in bed right now. But I'm not. I'm typing this. Silly me. Anyhoo...So there's this choir banquet thing as part of the festival we are participating in. This banquet, its formality, society and my own self-image have been causing me some grief. Grief that I tried to silence at the mall by buying a new dress (that was essentially 75% off), shoes, bra, hairspray and toe polish. Other than picking out some jewelry and trying for a hair-do I'm somewhat prepared for this thing. And why do I do all of this? Because I want to look pretty. 'Cause I want people to say, "Whoa! Stewie cleans up alright!" It'll be the same old offensive me, but pretty.

Stay tuned for griping about how this week was. I have to wait for a certain event to be over first.

Ok, it seems to be working

...perhaps the prob is with my comments. Argh, time to switch to Haloscan. Sorry if you wrote me some great comments before, but I fear they are all gone.

Someone Please Help Me

I woke up this morning and decided to check for new comments, and my blog is only displaying the most recent post. I don't understand. Any help would be appreciated.

i don't want to write my last midterm.....waaaaaaa

OH DEAR LORD or Some Advice On Using Window Blinds

Krista and I just got back from running a few errands. We noticed the landlord's blinds were only half down. So as we're walking by the front of the house to get to our entrance we look in and......see him naked. Where is the brain soap when you need it. Oy vey! Indeed. As if hearing him have sex was not bad enough. Agh, barf, hurl, vomit, ralf, upchuck, etc... Dude, if you're gonna walk around naked, please, please for the love of all that is Holy, please put the blinds all the way down!

*****

Amy said that I am deep in my music, so I'm going to post a few lyrics for whatever purposes.....

The Joy Completed

(chorus)
if it were incomplete forever
would you be happy?
if it were never to be finished
would you be satisfied?
and if it were me, would that be ok?

i've never been to the 'ness of joy
and only in His time will i go
sometimes i see glimpses moving upward
shadows out of the cave

could it be good without fire behind us
a virgin sense of real and now
content with a lack of sight, the dark
feeling through a groping life

© Laura Stewart 2004

Petal Fall

If you had known that beauty wouldn't last
Would you have left her hanging till the moment past
White softness falling gently to the hard uneven ground
Harvesting a crop of droplets, in a place where love is found

(chorus)
Petal fall, petal fall
When the softness that touched my cheek so gently...
The water flowed like my own warm tears
The aroma of promise that fills the air,
Disappears at petal fall

Before life, death must proceed, beauty falls, it always has
Only for the esoteric, as a random knowledge fast
Caress of love now rounded fruitlets, ovaries of future tense
Pollonating love for nothing, always sitting on the fence

(chorus)

© Laura Stewart 2001

She Ate A Bag of Skittles

The other day I was trying to send my blog addy to Amyann and I misspelled it. The link didn't work so she did some assuming on what I had meant to spell and ended up at this blog. Seriously, go there, right now. Read the whole thing. (*waiting for you to go and come back*) Ok, so Ames and I laughed our sweet faces off at the "calcaladors" and smelling like marijuana. Frick, I'm just sorry that this girl doesn't have any more posts. You may want to print off that post and save it for when you have children. And when they want to eat lead paint and you want to let them, read the post and then say no.

*****

100% Healed

I was reflecting in church today about my healing. ..A little catch up...I have a form of depression called Dysthymia. Essentially its a long term "low-grade" depression. Click the link to learn more if you want. Dysthymia can also be combined with regular major depressive episodes (let me tell you, that REALLY sucks). So I've had some rough times in my short little life (really, who hasn't), but over the past 2 or so years I have done some really cool healing. So much that I no longer require medication or therapy. This is pretty cool as I was on twice the normal adult dose of my meds. I am very happy about this healing. And I fully attribute it to the power of God. He is the only way. He is the only way that I'm still alive today. I can say that truthfully. But, and there is a but..I'm not 100% free of this disorder. I still struggle with some very intense things. With the struggling I have this argument...Wow, am I glad things aren't as bad in my head space as they used to be...Hey wouldn't it be cool if I never had to deal with this at all, or ever again. I have to admit that I think I will never be completely free of it all. But then I wonder if I'm not giving God His full props if I assume I'll be dysthymic for the rest of my life. Like that whole God can move mountains if you believe He can. Its not that I don't believe He can heal me 100%, but that I live in a fallen world where things like this exist. People like me will always want to squander the gift of life. Then again, some of the things I have learned as a result of my experiences have been invaluable when ministering to others. So part of The Plan involves some suffering. And really, some suffering in the name of the Kingdom of Heaven isn't really suffering.