Thinking

Ok, so I've said time and time again that I'm not a thinker. And I mean that in the sense that I don't sit around thinking about theories or relations. But I will state that I do think, a lot.

In fact I have a problem where I can't stop thinking. I know to those who don't know me very well I can seem pretty laid back and casual. But the truth is that I am super anal retentive. SUPER retentive. My bum is actually twice the size it appears to be, but its so tight that it looks smaller.

I am the type of person who likes to have her ducks in a row. It makes me nervous and unsure when they aren't. This used to be a much larger problem then it is now. As a maturing Christian I have been learning to trust that God with take care of my ducks in His own way.

But still I think. And think. And think. Mostly I am preparing for things in my head. I try to think of my activities for a day and what I might encounter while doing those activities and how I'll need to react and such. Its very tiring.

My friend Daryl tried to challenge me on it and said that it was a pride thing. I don't think it is. I think if it was about pride than I would be more outwardly organized and I would be doing different activities.

I think that rather than pride it is an issue of fear and confidence. That if I am not prepared for all things then I may let someone or more likely myself, down. So then I must be prepared for everything. Nice logic.

I do try to curb this thinking. A lot of it can happen at night. So, I rely on my trusty PC to pump out a couple of episodes of the Simpsons to distract me and laugh me to sleep.

I am aware that I am not the only one who cannot get their brain to shut off. Weigh in...