I've been doing a little thinking this week about peace and its relation to me.
You'll recall on Monday I was singing for the NYFC dessert reception. When I got there for my sound check I got a nice hug from my friend Sarah and then went on with what I was doing. Later in the evening Sarah and I were talking and she said when I got there she thought "Oh good, Laura's here, everything will be fine." She went on to explain that the fineness of the evening was not hinging on my arrival for sound check or even my presence, but the feeling of my being there put her at ease.
This is not the first time she has mentioned something like this. My friend Hope has the same reaction and says that there is often almost an aura of peace around me - she has seen it when I am with children.
Sometimes I really wrestle with this. I am more than aware of my sway with the dynamic of a group of people and my ability to take all decorum and toss it out the window with one action. Sometimes I forget exactly how much weight I have to swing around in that capacity, but I am aware that its there. But I usually view this weight and this decorum smashing ability to be the antithesis of peace - I rile people up. And I know that in times of stress where there is pressure and responsibility on me, I spin. I spin hard. My friends from NYFC will attest to that. So will my CITB friends, etc, etc. So if I'm spinning so hard how can I bring peace?
Personally I feel even just in my life there is a general lack of ...tranquility - I dare not say peace for fear of that being read as being outright in disobedience to the will of God. There is usually drama, stress, attacks, etc. Most times I don't feel like I'm radiating peace.
Now, this is not to say that I am trying to destroy an observation from some people I love. So I have tried to think about the peace that passes through me and I guess I could sort of see that. Maybe more like I am a very cracked vessel for peace. Because I know with children I would much rather just sit with them or help them fall asleep then play with them. And yeah, I don't have a problem (in fact I enjoy) simply sitting with an anxious friend and playing with their hair and praying over them while they fall asleep or just get some respite. I like to eat with people and have some real chat - does peace emanate from that? I don't know.
The comment section is (almost) always open. Wrestle with me.