Thinking

Jo and I watched some tv tonight. The show we were watching ended and I got up.

"You know what I wish?"

"No.", she said.

"I wish school wasn't starting tomorrow."

"I know!" We shared that knowing glance. The one where we both know that we didn't get enough work done over the week and that the semester is only going to look like a snowball rolling down a mountain from here on in.

"This is why I want a job that is 9-5.", I proclaimed. "One where I leave work at work. I don't want to be a teacher. I don't want to have to mark, to make lesson plans, or to be worried about that one kid who isn't doing so well because his parents are divorcing!"

"I know."

And that got me thinking...I'm a year and a bit away from graduating, less than four months from turning 25 and what? And what? That means nothing and everything. It means that all of the jobs I think I would like to do, that would have meaning for me, that I think God is steering me towards are not at all the kind of jobs that I would flourish in.

Lets be realistic here. Teaching, youth ministry, performance or any combination of the three: none of these are black and white. You don't punch in and out of a day of music or play rehearsals or working with inner city youth through drama. You don't have weekends free when you're a teacher, or if you do then you are a well organized person. I am not a well organized person, not at all. And all of these vocations also require discipline. Uh, the first two words that people use to describe me are not disciplined and hard-working. Nope. I wouldn't use those words about me either. I'm lazy, I love to procrastinate, I'm hard to motivate, and the list goes on. These are not good characteristics for these sort of positions.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not discounting the power of the Almighty to supply me with these skills or to build them up in me or whatever. But looking at myself right now and looking at where I think I might be in 1-2 years, well, I'm trying to do the math and it doesn't add up.