I am not getting paid enough.

I really wanted to lock the door, sit down in the middle of the floor and bash pomegranates over my head, while crying like a baby.

Oh Pita Pit, you are taking years off of my life.

Beautiful

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for the people you have been putting in my life lately. Thank you for the relationships we are developing. Thank you for making my friends such beautiful people.

I love you,

Laura

Can I Get a Witness? of It Is a Small World!

So in my meek fight for Christ at the Pit I saw some hope or something like it last night.

One of the girls I work with regularly is in one of the biological sciences at Mac. She wants to go to Australia for a program and will need a prof's reference letter. Being a second year at Mac she realizes that the class size is too big for her to randomly have a prof get to know her. So she has been going to her favourite prof for help in the hope that the prof will remember her and give her a good reference.

At work last night we were talking about classes and class sizes and profs and knowing profs by their first names. She said that she was able to address the aforementioned favourite prof by her first name: Pipa. I said, "Pipa? As in Pipa Lock?" And the employee confirmed that it was indeed our Saturday Soprano.

What does this have to do with witness? Everything. This employee totally respects Pipa and said that Pipa gets voted the best prof every year. What a victory for Christ to have such a well respected prof in the Science Dept at Mac fighting for the Truth!

There is too much light in here,
I can see myself.

All the evil comes to the surface,
Everyone can see it.

Every pore erupts with filth,
I chose ignorance.

The dark brings cold comfort,
Sweet and embraceable.

I linger in pools of loathing,
Lavish swamps.

I have sunk to a delicious depth,
None can find me.

Light is a dazzling pain,
I run.

Sing Along Messiah Anyone?

Sunday, December 19, 2004 at 2:00 pm
Massey Hall

This festive sing-along with the Tafelmusik Chamber Choir and Orchestra, led by a feisty Maestro Handel, is an annual tradition. The sheer joy you will feel as your voice joins a mass choir of 2,500 to sing the Hallelujah chorus may be the best Christmas gift you receive. Bring your own score, or purchase one at Massey Hall. Seating is by voice part, and non-singers are always welcome. A great outing for the whole family! The Sing-Along Messiah also sells out - don't miss out! (Tickets on sale Aug 2004.)

Massey Hall Box Office

http://www.tafelmusik.org/index.cfm?section=tct&subsection=the#messiah_sing

$20.00 Students & Seniors, $27.00 Adults

Does anyone know?

I have a series of bruises on my left ankle and calf that are remarkably finger shaped. I discovered them when changing for church this morning. Does anyone remember assaulting me in my sleep? Or did I forget about being dragged around by the ankle?

Success

So, those of you who know me well know about my 'little' battle with alcohol. Those of you who know my testimony are violently shaking your heads right now.

Working at the Pita Pit as the only Christian is hard. Very rewarding, but hard. It has been a constant struggle for my to find that fine balance between contextualized and pluralistic.

Every year we have two staff parties. A big one at Christmas and a smaller one at the end of the school year. The past two years at the Christmas party I have been drunk off my ass. I won't get into details, but be assured it wasn't pretty OR Christ-like. The past two years I have completely abstained from alcohol at the end of the year party.

This year's challenge: to drink at the Christmas party without getting drunk. In my opinion moderation is the key when being a light at these parties. Being drunk means that I'm just like everyone else. Not drinking at all means I'm weird, on medication or a nerdy Christian. Neither gets us anywhere in the Kingdom mission.

So tonight was the Christmas party. I set goals for myself. One drink at the pre-party cocktails and one drink at the bar. I knew it was going to be hard. I asked people to pray for me. Thank you, huge thank you to those who did. And I had another someone call me on my cell part way through the night to keep me accountable. Thank you to her too. I wore heals 'cause if I was drinking too much then it would be hard to walk, which would signal to me that it was time to stop. I wore my hair all nice, with a smokin' outfit and make-up so that I would have some dignity to maintain. And I didn't bring any money with me.

Hand in hand with God I walked into and out of that party tonight. I met my goal of 2 drinks! I consumed them when I planned and when we switched bars half way through I enjoyed a lovely cranberry juice. I sang a Carole King song at Kareoke which everyone loved. And then I came home..before 4am. In fact before 2am!

Thanks again to those who help and thanks to God for being the norm for awesomeness.

Messiah - In words

Ok, so no more funny pics.

After Saturday's performance I was driving Heather and Angela back up to Redeemer and I described how I felt about the performances using a sporting metaphor.

I said that I felt like singing the Messiah was like running a 400m hurdles race. Anyone who has run 400m knows that it is in essence running balls out for 400m. Throwing the hurdles in just makes for an extra challenge.

On Friday I felt like we as a choir had been running on course for a personal best time. Then we peeked to see where the competition was and tripped over the last hurdle. Ouch. But as with athletic training and performance you get back up, work out the kink and run again.

Bending the metaphor slightly to apply just to me I felt like I did run a personal best time. And I wondered how that could be beaten. I didn't realize that Friday was the semi-final and Saturday the final.

Again if you've ever run competitively you know that the body can surprise you with "an extra gear". All of those hours of training become worth it as you think you have reached your full potential and then all of a sudden there is another gear and you can push even harder and go even farther than you thought even possible.

That is how I felt about Saturday night (the second half - the first half, don't ask, or see the previous post). I sang the Hallelujah chorus so hard that I had chest pains after. And the Amen - who knew that we could go that hard (God did, He planned it that way)?

I feel blessed, like everyone else that I could be apart of it. I was one of those people that had never sung the Messiah before. I had never even heard the whole thing until I bought the CD. And I too struggled with learning the whole thing. I wanted to throw myself through a window and quit the choir the week before the performances. I was bringing down those around me.

Oh redemptive power. Oh endless blessings.

Day 2

How I felt about the first half of last night's concert....



How I felt about the second half of the concert and the answers to my fervent prayers of the first half.....

Day 1

How I felt about the Messiah before the Amen...



How I felt after the Amen...



How I feel today, having another chance to get it right...



Actually, this is how I feel about today...

Hey! I LOVE YOU!

Do you hear what I hear?

Said the night wind to the little lamb,
do you see what I see
Way up in the sky, little lamb,
do you see what I see
A star, a star, dancing in the night
With a tail as big as a kite
With a tail as big as a kite

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,
do you hear what I hear
Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy,
do you hear what I hear
A song, a song, high above the trees
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king,
do you know what I know
In your palace warm, mighty king,
do you know what I know
A Child, a Child shivers in the cold
Let us bring Him silver and gold
Let us bring Him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere,
listen to what I say
Pray for peace, people everywhere!
listen to what I say
The Child, the Child, sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

Are you writing a paper too?

Wedding Shots

Hey, remember that wedding I was in? Well my cousin finally sent me a few digital shots.


These are my cousins Sarah and Katherine (and me).


Katherine and I


Kat and Grandpa


Jimmy (best man), Kathering (bride), Laura (maid of honour), John (groom)

click for larger images (they look better that way)

A reason to come tomorrow

Cupcakes and laughing:

Human Again

..i'll wear lipstick and rouge and i won't be so huge and, why i'll easily fit through that door. i'll exude savoir faire, i'll wear gowns, i'll have hair! its my prayer to be human again.

Where have all the flowers gone (a midterm essay re-write)

Where have all the hours gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the hours gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the hours gone?
Gone to first years every one.
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Like a Chesty Blonde

So today I was thinking about music (and culture and everything) and I know that we are to engage everything and that we are to be careful about what we ingest. But then I was thinking about the music and the movies that we say, "oh i love watching Miss Congeniality, i don't have to think when i'm watching it." And so I was wondering if we are able to treat anything like a chesty blonde, we may not critically engage her but we are very aware of her presence.

Stewart

Virescit vulnere virtus (Courage grows strong at a wound)

Everybodyduck!

I just felt like posting some lyrics for some songs that I love hearing sung by my favourite Christian band; Everybody duck. Their worship CD Seized by the Power of a Great Affection always seems to have something to say to me.

Teach Me

Teach me to weep for the times that I've failed You
Teach me to wait Lord for Your hand to move
Teach me to watch for the dawn in my darkness
Teach me to walk in a way You'd approve
Take me, teach me to be more like You
All that you are Jesus I want to be
Take me, teach me to be more like You
Touch these blind eyes Jesus
I want to see

Teach me to wonder at all You've created
Teach me to whisper my thoughts in Your ear
Teach me to work at true love for my neighbor
Teach me to want the same things You hold dear
Take me, teach me to be more like You (x4)
-------------------------------------------------
Written by Darin McWatters and Tim Sovinec
Copyright 1998 Antinomy Music


Use Me Here

Use me here, where I am
I'm not gonna pray anymore that You'll change your plans
Despite my fear, I place my life in Your hands
the future can wait, tomorrow might be too late,
So Jesus use me here

I lay my heart's desires at Your feet, oh Lord
Take all the plans I've made and all my dreams
Blinded by triumphs of tomorrow I've let sin control today
So many drowning within reach, Father it's time
You heard me say...

I tell myself I want to know Your will, oh Lord
Still I confess I've had plans of my own
But from now on I plan to listen to Your will and to obey
No matter what the future holds I'm gonna live for You today
------------------------------------------------------------
Written by Darin McWatters and Tim Brinkman
Copyright 1997 Antimony Music/Lustiminosity Music

Mom's cats are junkies.

----- Original Message -----
From: Bruce Stewart
To: Laura Stewart ; Johnny Stewart
Sent: Wednesday, November 10, 2004 12:08 PM
Subject: it's going to be a long winter
So I was just out and picked a huge pocket full of
CATNIP...
and they like it so much! It's not a drug!! It just makes them happy!

Mom

Prayer, its prayer isn't it?

I've been reading the increasing number of blogs about the need for some sort of movement in Redeemer. It seems as though we are at a cusp, a point were we need to grow and set ourselves apart or get very happy with our current rut. As the adage goes - go big or go home.

It seems to me and many others in the First CRC community that we are at the same point there too. The water is boiling but no one knows what is cooking.

This Sunday Tim Sheridan was outlining some directives for the new outreach/missions initiative at First and he spoke about prayer. Until then I had been bruising my brain about where these two communities would be going, how they would be going there and how they would be lead.

Prayer hit me like a tonne of bricks. What way is better to be both a medium and a message to those outside the First and Redeemer communities? No matter what denomination we were raised in, how we feel about election, gay marriage, tithing, 24 hour creational days, we can all agree that as Christians we should pray.

Prayer can/should/will (?) be a catalyst to uniting communities of Christ and to having that attractive light that people will notice. Following 1 Thess 5:17 can do us little damage and that constant communication with the Father can lead us down the path He desires for us.

I know that Redeemer will soon have a real prayer room (not a basement) with which I know there are people who are bubbling over with ideas and initiatives for it. I know that First has got plans in place for prayer walks and prayer groups for specific areas of the church life.

This is a very exciting time. I would challenge you as I challenge myself to truly engage your prayer life. Pray for your community, pray for guidance and it moves into uncharted territory, pray for it to be a shining light in the community, pray for discernment and pray for protection. Pray with others from the community and pray often!

An Open Letter to Satan

Dear Satan,
Your cover has been blown. I see you. And I desire, no, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that you would leave me alone.

I refuse to let you make myself a victim to mental illness, the weather, the moods of others or bloating. I refuse to only be tired and stressed out and to speak to my Father only once a day. I refuse to think for a moment that God is not always with me and ready to protect me from your greedy grasp.

I hate you. But you know what makes me hate you so much? That you bring my family and friends into the equation. That you would be so low as to take credit for the creationally normative life cycle of my Grandfather, the dying of my friend's Father, another friend's Grandmother, the state of my mother, the death of a a friend's cousin, the death of church members back home.... stay the hell (yeah hell, you know where you belong - forever separated from God) away from my friends, my family and well, all of creation.

You are nothing. I choose not to submit to your dominion.

All I can say is that I cannot wait till you are humbled once and for all!

In His name and His service,

Laura Elizabeth Stewart

Sometimes you do

Sometimes you do notice those personal growth changey things in yourself. Most of the time you don't notice the little things. Of course in a grand sort of way you know that you have changed but you don't really want to recognize and would rather make it easier on yourself to continue to see yourself as the rotten person you were.

Today I was having a conversation with one friend about another mutual friend and the rough time she has been experiencing. We noticed that these choices were of a self destructive nature and did not reflect a closeness with Christ.

After driving home and thinking about that for a while something struck me. During choir tour last year Matt McKenna told me that he saw a lot of growth in me in comparison to my first year at Redeemer. I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. I knew that in large drastic ways I had changed, but not in the subtle Christ like ways that Matt was talking about. Today I understood what he meant. He saw the small choices and actions I had began making that indicated a desire to be more like the One that created me.

That was a cool realization. Prayers and blessings to you who are seeking those same changes and for me who has so many more good choices still to make.

Fight or Flight

There comes a time in the semester when you realize that October is over and that you pissed it away.

There comes a time when you remember the hoard of reading you have put off.

There comes a time when that slew of papers that seemed so far away are only lurking around the corner.

There comes a time when I want to drop out and pick wildflowers for a living.

There comes a time when I have to say, "suck it up princess!"

And all God's people said: Amen!