As Lisa, Marleah, Tim and I woke up in our humble one room log cabin this morning we knew we were in for a day of unpleasant precipitation. Tim had slept over at our place because his lead sled dog, Sasha died yesterday of liver failure. Marleah had to go and work at the nunnery and didn't want to disappoint them by letting the weather stop her from coming. So Tim acted as lead sled dog and Marleah mushed him all the way to Woodstock. He came back on his own.
Lisa and I knew there was no way that 10 feet of snow was going to keep us away from First CRC. We started by rubbing our naked bodies with whale blubber (for warmth and slip) then put on two layers of long johns, seal skin pants and fox skin coats. On our feet we put mukluks made of black bear and then strapped on our beaver skin snow shoes. The minute we stepped outside PETA was there. They threw red paint on us, called us disgusting neanderthals and set the log cabin on fire.
After we put the fire out (with the help of mother nature's little friend precipitation) we went back inside to get dressed again as the PETA people had burnt our clothes off. We were glad for the layer of whale blubber that saved us from third degree burns.
We set back out wearing essentially the same outfits but made of synthetic materials. The journey was long and treacherous. We were joined by a couple of Redeemer students whose lives were lost along the way. As Lisa and I were running low on supplies, we prayed and God gave us permission to eat their frozen flesh. Finally we arrived at church just in time for the service to start.
It was a glorious service filled with music from our harpsichord and cat gut fiddles. The cat gut fiddles were torched when the PETA people showed up. Who knew they were Christian? They must have tailed Lisa and I down the escarpment. We were all looking forward to a challenging and life altering sermon by Reverend Doctor M. Goheen. As he got up to deliver the message a polar bear got up too. They had words and then broke into fisticuffs. It was like watching Jacob wrestle God. The fight ended with the bear biting off Goheen's left leg from just above the knee. He (the bear) then continued his way to the front of the church were he delivered a convicting sermon on fish in the Bible.
At the end of the service the Voortman Cookies Acrobatic Snowmobile Exhibition Team came and gave everyone rides home, a box of cookies and a pat on the bum. A good time was had by all. Lisa and were happy to get back to our cozy log home to take some meat out of our smoke house and make soup and bread all day long.
The End.
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