Soul

When I was in my mid to late teens I used to get really, really frustrated with my singing. I would get so mad when there were things I couldn't seem to do, or when I missed a note (or missed anything) in a performance.

I was just starting to really get into jazz at the time and like any keen vocalist I got into Ella Fitzgerald and then Billie Holiday. I would spend all of this time listening to Ella and her phrasing and scats and get more and more frustrated with my own short comings.

Then for my 19th birthday my friend Sarah and I got together. I was expressing my frustration and how I thought that I could never become a singer because I could never sound as good as Ella. Then she gave me my present. It was a Billie Holiday CD and in the card it said, "Its not the notes you sing but the soul you bare."

Lightening bolts went off in my brain. DUH! Years of abuse and life had totally altered the sound of her voice to that rough sound we all associate with her. But her soul, oh her soul... Have you ever heard her sing Strange Fruit? Do it sometime, you might cry. Every song about heart ache, pain, oppression - you feel like she is singing all of the songs in direct correlation to life events. She appeals to a different level than that of Ella.

Sometimes I just have to remember that singing is not 100% about the aesthetics of the notes, but the soul behind them.