Existential Terror

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Medical Dramas

Over the summer and early this fall I've watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy and House.  I really like these medical dramas, a lot of people do.  I was trying to remember if there were any Canadian medical dramas on when ER became popular.  There may have been and obviously they were so fantastic that I can't remember them.  So I wondered about a couple of new Canadian medical dramas...


CDD - Canadian Diagnostics Division - Basically a copy of House, but with two significant differences. 1) Canadian health insurance - so there is less drama about how to pay for blood tests and tonsillectomies. 2) Wait times - "Get him a cdc, ldh, pcp, and a ct scan."  "Ok doctor.  I'll have the results to you in 6-8 months."

Spiritual Services Squad - Highly dramatic writing with emergency prayers, conversions, religious conflict, personal faith crises, love affairs, cranky director, differences in ideologies and philosophies, races to give the last rights, existential battles over the existence of higher beings, so many possibilities!

Things You Might Say To Your Computer or Significant Other

1. What are you thinking about?
2. I think I gave you a virus.
3. Can't you load quicker?
4. After you recharge you'll feel better.
5. That's not what I asked you to do.
6. You're too loud.
7. Why aren't you working?
8. Why can't I turn you on?
9. Reboot this!
10. You've really slowed down over the years.

I Have Often Wondered About This

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Get It...Spear-Mint...Bwaaa ha ha ha

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

For All You Summer Yard Salers...

Mind Blowing

Turn your speakers up a bit, then go here and smile.  The link comes courtesy of my Dad.

I Loaf You Dough Much

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I Think They're Missing Some Big Marketing Possibilities

From cbc.ca (and my Dad)

What the ...? Wisconsin Tourism Federation changes name to avoid potentially vulgar acronym
Canadian Press THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MADISON, Wis. - A Wisconsin tourism lobbying group is changing its name after realizing its initials formed a crude acronym.

The Wisconsin Tourism Federation group did a quiet rebranding in July, changing its name to the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin and updating its logo from WTF to TFW after it was featured on Web sites and blogs poking fun at it. It had no way of knowing 30 years ago that the letters would go on to take on a crude association.

Lead lobbyist for the group, Chet Gerlach, said Wednesday that the federation made the change after the meaning of the common text message lingo was brought to their attention.

FWIW (For what it's worth), officials say Wisconsin's tourism industry is a $13 billion business and grew 2.7 per cent last year.

I Knew There Was A Reason I Should Have One

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Though I'm not too sure about the fire coming out of my butt.

Sometimes...

Sometimes you're walking on a sunny day. Sometimes you're just walking home, lost in thought, lapping up the vitamin D. And then sometimes you hear a voice. A voice that loudly says, "Help Me Down The Streeeet!" Sometimes you turn to see a man who looks to be in his eighties and in a wheelchair. Who is no longer in possession of one of his legs from the knee down and who is clutching a 12 of Lakeport on his lap while he tries to propel himself down the sidewalk with his one full leg.

Sometimes that was this afternoon.

I turned and looked at him and decided I could indeed push him down the sidewalk for a little bit. I set a boundary - told him I was cutting off that street in a few blocks (which I was). He said that was fine and then proceeded to preach from his wheelchair about how "nobody wants to do shit for nobody! Everybody only looks out for themselves!" He went on about this theme of selfishness until we neared the corner I was going to leave him at. He looked and pointed diagonally across the street, "you see there, where that guy is standing?" "Yeah." "That's where I need to go." "By the pizza place?" "That's no pizza place, its a shit hole!" "...Ok."

I figure I can wheel this guy through the intersection and one more block to this building. As we're standing and waiting for the light to change so that we may safely cross, he looks in the direction that he had previously pointed in and starts yelling "A-hole! (he said the whole word) AAAAAHOLE!" I noticed a spike in the mixed emotions I was having about being associated with him and began to push a little faster. When we reached the other side his shouts got more specific and I came, as he yelled "A-HOLE, ROBBIE YOU A-HOLE!", to notice that it hadn't been the pizza place that was his destination but this supposed a-hole named Robbie.

Robbie met us half way up the block. I asked him if he was going to take over the pushing. He told me he would. I interpreted from my elderly wheelchair acquaintance, that Robbie was supposed to have helped him get home from the nearby Beer Store and was delinquent in that duty. Robbie thanked me profusely, and asked God to bless me. As I walked away feeling good about what I had done, I heard this beautiful mixed chorus of traffic, Robbie's thankful praises and wheelchair dude screaming "A-HOLE!".

Amen.

Birth Control

You know how they have Take Your Kids To Work day? Well I was thinking about another day/night they should have for high school aged people (or really anyone considering bringing spawn into the world) - a sort of birth control, abstinence, safe sex over night trip. The trip would involve staying with a family that had children while the children were puking or having bad colds in the middle of the night. The victim/teenager/adult would be on bucket brigade and mop duty (or carpet stain removal). I don't know, but dealing with multiple puking little ones at 3am doesn't make me horny.

I tried to come up with some pithy slogans for this initiative. This was the best I could come up with - feel free to add your own...

• Other people's kids: making you less horny since they started puking at 3am.
• Think you're ready to be a Daddy, tough guy? Explain to your 18 month old why he can't breath.
• Does puke make you puke? Then keep your pants on!
• The 100% successful birth control - a combination of other people's kids and abstinence.
• Don't be a chump. Before you hump, think about a night of runny stuff coming out of their rump. (too far?)
• Abstinence; it-snot the worst thing that ever happened to you.
• Cough, cough, cough, cough, what? Keep it in your drawers.
• Nothin' spells lovin' like vomit chunk covered laundry in the middle of the night!
  

I Want To Go In A Similar Way

Probably you should watch this:

Treat Of All Adventure Movies

I went to the library the other day to pick up some movies. One of my selections was The African Queen. I enjoyed watching it as a kid and I haven't seen it in years. I noticed some Asian characters on the case, but didn't think pay them much attention. When I got home I read the synopsis on the back of the case:

During World War I, a hard drinking river trader Charles and a prim missionary Rose are forced to take an adventurous river expedition together. Throughout the voyage, they encounter tropical hazards, nefarious German officers and a surprising romance. The film takes the eventful location in Uganda in Africa and it is a rare treat of all adventure movies.

I have a hunch this may have been written by someone whose first language is not English. Regardless, it made me smile.

This Actually Happened

(I'm standing in my room when my cell phone rings)

Me: (upon recognizing that it is my own house calling) Hey.

Roommate: Hey, are you home?

Me: Yup. I'm in my room.

Roommate: Oh, good. 'Cause we thought you weren't home yet and we knew you didn't have your key and the door is locked.

Me: Nope, I'm here. I'm the one who shut off the downstairs lights and locked the door.

Roommate: (laughs) Ok, we just thought we'd check as we hadn't heard you come in yet.

Me: No problem. Oh, hey, are you done in the bathroom? 'Cause I want to take a shower.

Roommate: (laughs) Yeah, the bathroom is all yours.

Me: Excellent.

Roommate: Ok, well, goodnight.

Me: Goodnight.

And You Thought You Were Having A Bad Day

Ah Ha Ha (don't mind the language)

superpoop.com

We're On A Bridge Charlie

I was reminded of the fantasticness of this: http://www.filmcow.com/charlietheunicorn.html
Which then reminded me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMUsXnHdGbA

It Has To Do With The Epidemic

Last night I had the hottest date that I've had in some time. The lovely Linda and I went out for a "hey you finally graduated" and a "hey you planned the whole graduation" celebration night of dinner, making fun of Burlington and a movie.

The movie we went to see was Baby Mama. It stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, both of whom I love. Now I wasn't so sure about the movie though. I hadn't heard too much about it and sometimes these SNL flicks turn out to really suck. But I gave it a chance, and oh my, I laughed my stupid face off. Good gravy there were some good parts to it. I would totally watch it again when it comes out on DVD.

Besides all the good comedy stuff, you want to know why I liked the movie? You know how in those crazy, really only comedy movies they have to have a sort of crazy plot. Like something that sorta almost could happen in real life. And they surround it with lots of little things that do happen in real life, because real life is very funny if you step back. Anyway, always in this plot line the action has to fall, the shoe has to drop and something bad has to happen - the tension that the movie has been resting on has to break and ... bwah. I am kind of sensitive and for really real, and often when this tension breaks I have a hard time handling it - it makes my stomach hurt. So there are many times that I don't like watching a comedy more than once because it makes my stomach hurt too much. A lot of Leave It To Beaver episodes are like this more me - I used to sit on the stairs and wait for the tensiony part to be over and then watch the rest of the episode as a kid. But Baby Mama had the tension, broke it and kept moving forward enough that I didn't hurt. I liked that.

Alors, Linda = hot, Baby Mama = very funny.

Publicly

I would like to publicly thank my brother for giving me a copy of Blades of Glory for Christmas. It has already provided hours of entertainment.