A Pigment of My Imagination

This is what should happen when I decide to paint (anything - picture, wall, chair, etc)

1. Envision everything that needs to happen from start to finish.
2. Repeat step 1.
3. Write down everything that needs to happen from start to finish.
4. Submit written steps to multiple peers for review.
5. Receive reviews.
6. Review reviews.
7. Make any adjustments to steps.
8. Re-submit written steps with adjustments.
9. Review the re-reviews.
10. Acquire everything needed.
11. Double check that everything is in place.
12. Begin painting process one step at a time, careful checking the peer reviewed list before moving on to the next step.

What actually happens when I decide to paint:

1. Thought - "Ooooh paint, I got this! So, so simple. I totally know how to do this!"
2. Ruin project.
3. Attempt to salvage project by using "creative" idea.
4. Further ruin project.
5. Attempt to salvage project with another creative brainstorm.
6. Further ruin project.
7. Stop before things could possibly get any worse.
8. Hate universe.
9. Promise to think things all the way through for next project.
10. Repeat steps 1-9.

Critically Ill

My laptop is in critical condition at a talented friend's tech hospital. Posting may be limited while this crisis is sorted out.

Your sympathy, understanding, eggs benny, big macs, cokes and macbook pros are appreciated.

- Management

Birth Control

You know how they have Take Your Kids To Work day? Well I was thinking about another day/night they should have for high school aged people (or really anyone considering bringing spawn into the world) - a sort of birth control, abstinence, safe sex over night trip. The trip would involve staying with a family that had children while the children were puking or having bad colds in the middle of the night. The victim/teenager/adult would be on bucket brigade and mop duty (or carpet stain removal). I don't know, but dealing with multiple puking little ones at 3am doesn't make me horny.

I tried to come up with some pithy slogans for this initiative. This was the best I could come up with - feel free to add your own...

• Other people's kids: making you less horny since they started puking at 3am.
• Think you're ready to be a Daddy, tough guy? Explain to your 18 month old why he can't breath.
• Does puke make you puke? Then keep your pants on!
• The 100% successful birth control - a combination of other people's kids and abstinence.
• Don't be a chump. Before you hump, think about a night of runny stuff coming out of their rump. (too far?)
• Abstinence; it-snot the worst thing that ever happened to you.
• Cough, cough, cough, cough, what? Keep it in your drawers.
• Nothin' spells lovin' like vomit chunk covered laundry in the middle of the night!
  

A Tale Of One Cell Phone

This weekend some lovely people from Hamilton came to visit some of us London dwellers and have some epic fun. During the ending of this fun tonight I got in the car of said Hamiltonians. My cell phone liked it so much in their car that it decided to stay there.

Little cellular did not inform me of this jump, so off he rode to Hamilton, where he will stay until he can get very quickly shipped back to me.

This would be one of those times where I wished my portable calling machine was sophisticated enough to be able to sync with my computer - because that would mean that 90% of my phone numbers would not be sitting in Hamilton right now.

Swift travels my chirpy, cat coated friend - I need you.