Things That Make Me A Better Person

I think I need about 17 of these:



Actually maybe everyone in the country should have one. Well, at least me. They can be procured here.

Not The Peaceful Night He Bargained For

There was a spider in my blue kazoo.  He got rocket launched across the room as I blew my blue kazoo.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever put all the pants you like to wear in the same load of laundry shortly after waking up and then gone to change out of your pyjamas and realized that you just put every pair of pants you like to wear in the same load of laundry?

I may or may not have done that this morning. 

Existential Terror

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Medical Dramas

Over the summer and early this fall I've watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy and House.  I really like these medical dramas, a lot of people do.  I was trying to remember if there were any Canadian medical dramas on when ER became popular.  There may have been and obviously they were so fantastic that I can't remember them.  So I wondered about a couple of new Canadian medical dramas...


CDD - Canadian Diagnostics Division - Basically a copy of House, but with two significant differences. 1) Canadian health insurance - so there is less drama about how to pay for blood tests and tonsillectomies. 2) Wait times - "Get him a cdc, ldh, pcp, and a ct scan."  "Ok doctor.  I'll have the results to you in 6-8 months."

Spiritual Services Squad - Highly dramatic writing with emergency prayers, conversions, religious conflict, personal faith crises, love affairs, cranky director, differences in ideologies and philosophies, races to give the last rights, existential battles over the existence of higher beings, so many possibilities!

All Your Problems Are Solved

Christmas is around a very large corner.  Last year I provided a boat load of fantastic gift ideas.  I believe most of them were ignored.  The exception being the delightful pedicures my lovely cousin Katherine and I had. 

I am promising to do better this year.  I believe I have solved all of your Christmas gift problems.  No more will you sit around, scratching your head until it bleeds, wondering what to get your mother-in-law.  Battles between couples that degrade into vase throwing and fire poker swinging over plasma televisions and stairmasters will dissolve into sixties-esque love-ins.

This glorious gift-o-rama is a website for a Hamilton, ON based business.  You can get every gift you need for really, any season, all from this one website, all from the comfort of your own home.

This magical, magnificent website is: http://www.wigs4you.com/

Happy shopping!

Bacon Tree

This joke comes by way of the beautiful Nikki Gerrits (who got it from her Mom):


(please forgive any racial stereotyping)

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ..... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees



Ees a ham bush...."

Things You Might Say To Your Computer or Significant Other

1. What are you thinking about?
2. I think I gave you a virus.
3. Can't you load quicker?
4. After you recharge you'll feel better.
5. That's not what I asked you to do.
6. You're too loud.
7. Why aren't you working?
8. Why can't I turn you on?
9. Reboot this!
10. You've really slowed down over the years.

DSB

Dear Secret Boyfriend,

I just learned that African Lion Safari has a baby giraffe. I love giraffes. Let's go see it.

Anticipatorily yours,

Laura

I Have Often Wondered About This

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

This One Goes Out To All My Chicken Farmer Friends

nataliedee.com

Get It...Spear-Mint...Bwaaa ha ha ha

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Not Sweetest Of Ideas

I have to get some blood work done as a part of my yearly physical.  My doctor thought we should do the kind where I fast for 12 hours.  I'm about to hit hour 4 of not eating, which is not exactly a feat worth heralding.

In an act of distraction I've been doing some "surfing" of the "world wide interweb" and without thinking ended up at a site about cake.

Cake as you may know is a food - a delicious, delectable food.  I like to have cake in my hand, my mouth and my stomach.  I like vanilla cake with lots of icing.

That last rant just made my stomach hurt.  I'm going to stop looking at cakes on the internet and perhaps read the news instead.  It'll be more stomach turning, which will help with my stomach's yearning.

Also - http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ is awesome, go there, now.

Important Thing To Know

Created by Oatmeal

For All You Summer Yard Salers...

I saw my first zebra a week ago.  Actually maybe it wasn't my first.  I probably saw one at the Toronto Metro Zoo when I was a wee lass, so...uh... ok: I saw my first zebra in Bowmanville.

Here Is A Picture...Now Take Your Thousand Words

A picture of me joining the CRC.

A picture of my little sister Rachel graduating from Redeemer

A picture of me before doing a sleep test/study

Watch Out

Some good friends of mine (KD &; MPV) were telling me about a movie they saw late this spring.  It is called "Birdemic - Shock and Terror".  It involves an homage to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" and birds with lasers.  I watched the theatrical trailer and well, it seems to have "indie" written all over it.  But I'm not an expert in these things.  I'll give you the link to the movie's website, and you can have a gander here at the trailer and then you let me know your thoughts.

Oh, you should also know the film is being shown at the Bloor Cinema in Toronto on June 26.


Birdemic: Shock And Terror Official Theatrical Trailer from Severin Films on Vimeo.

Apologies

Sorry for the lack of posting lately.  Apparently it's bronchitis that's been making me so tired over the last few weeks.  Also, typing with a sprained thumb hurts.  I hope to resume the regular M,W,F schedule soon.

Here is a picture, just 'cause:

Things You Never Think You'll Do

So there I am, playing good ol' Christian, co-ed, slo-pitch (we won, we're 2-1 now), and I'm about to bat.  One of the other team's players comes to the plate and proceeds to tell the ump that a city worker has approached their bench and told them that they will be turning the lights off at 10:30pm.  The game started at 9:30 and the diamond was booked until 11pm and it's minutes to 10:30pm. 

We hadn't got enough innings in to make it a legal game, thusly, we had a problem.  Suggestions were made to use feminine charms to coerce the man into letting us have our half hour, have the ump talk to him, etc.  Then the member of the other team said, "I don't think those will work, I think he's a deaf, mute."

So guess who ended up pulling out her sign language alphabet to talk this guy into letting us finish the game... yup, you're right, me.  We got our half an hour and finished our game.  End of story, right...?

After the game, a couple of friends and I wandered across the park to Rolly Rocket's BBQ and I was relaying this story to the owner.  As soon as I mentioned "deaf, mute" he responds with "oooooh, that's Joseph. He's not a city worker.  He lives across the street, he's kind of a volunteer."  I asked if he was the kind of volunteer who should be turning on the lights and Rolly juuuust wasn't sure.  Crap.

The moral of the story is that sometimes you're trying to play hardcore Christian, co-ed, slo-pitch and end up a) being heckled by a drunk guy on a bench in the outfield b) straining your thumb c) making a pseudo diving catch and throwing someone out at 2nd from your belly, or d) spelling out words in sign language to convince a neighbourhood "volunteer" that he shouldn't turn lights off that he may not even have the ability to turn off.

Not Okay

A friend's brother/roommate's soon to be brother-in-law was killed on Tuesday.  She said that your youngest brother shouldn't be the first one to go in the family.  I'm inclined to agree - that's not normative.

Details - http://thespec.com/article/784796, http://thespec.com/News/Local/article/785687

Isn't It Alarming

Dear Boat Owner with the boat alarm,

You really need to change the settings on your boat alarm - it goes off... a lot... and for a long time.  This annoys the whole neighbourhood.  Please fix it.

Sincerely,

Lstew

Just In Case You Were Wondering...

... the Charlton Chargers are 1-1.

Go Chargers!

Tough But Fair

www.nataliedee.com

Mind Blowing

Turn your speakers up a bit, then go here and smile.  The link comes courtesy of my Dad.