DSB

Dear Secret Boyfriend,

I just learned that African Lion Safari has a baby giraffe. I love giraffes. Let's go see it.

Anticipatorily yours,

Laura

DSB

Dear Secret Boyfriend,

Just so you know, you are totally allowed to take me to Opera Hamilton's performance of:



(April 22 & 24 @ Hamilton Place)

I Am In BIG Trouble (And Single For Life)

Perhaps a few years ago I acquired a 5 CD box set called Disney Classics: 60 Years of Musical Magic. Yeah, I know, I'm just as surprised as you are. I recently became very aware of one of the songs from this set. Its called "Femininity" and its from Summer Magic, starring Hayley Mills.

The song outlines the many ways femininity plays into a young woman catching a male. I thought I knew about these things, but this song has taught me otherwise and if it holds truth, well, I could be single for a very, very long time.

You must walk feminine {so the part where i walk like i have prosthetic limbs...that's not feminine?}
Talk feminine {doable, totally doable}
Smile and beguile feminine {i don't know what beguile means, i hope that's not important}
Utilize your femininity
That's what every girl should know,
if she wants to catch a beau

Dance feminine
Glance feminine
Act shy and sigh feminine {shy? what does that mean?}
Compliment his masculinity {does asking for tickets to the gun show count?}
That's what every girl should know,
if she wants to catch a beau

Let him do the talking
Men adore good listeners {check}
Laugh, but not too loudly (Haha) {crap. i'm done. which way to the convent?}
If he should choose to tell a joke
Be radiant, but delicate {sorry, which part of me is delicate?}
Memorize the rules of etiquette
Be demure, sweet and pure
Hide the real you {and then what? go postal after 30 years of marriage?)

You must look feminine
Dress feminine {like basketball shorts...right?}
You're at your best feminine
Emphasize your femininity
That's what every girl should know
Femininity, femininity
That's the way to catch a beau {sigh.}

And just so you can get a feel for the song, i found this on youtube:

Greedy, Manipulative and Living In A Fantasy Land

This would be a perfect day for my boyfriend (who doesn't exist, well, I'm quite sure that he is born and wandering around somewhere, he's just not my boyfriend yet), who this summer is working outside (and therefore had the day off because of the rain); to, after a leisurely start to his day (which includes going back to sleep, having a nice breakfast and watching Sportcentre for a while), bring me a very large french vanilla from Tim Hortons. Then he would just chill here while I worked and later excuse himself to take care of a few things. I would think nothing of it, and then he would come back with lunch.

Rich & satisfying.

DSB

Two words: Indiana Jones

DSB - Job To Do

Dear Secret Boyfriend,

You are more than allowed to take me out to lunch, maybe Mexicali Rosa's today and then make me supper as a way to help me nurse the emotional hangover from last night.

Salad Bars, My Second Love (Jesus Being My First)

Once upon a time I went to the OMSC January Student Seminars in New Haven CT. They are hosted annually at the Mercy Center. Now I don't know what they do the rest of the year, but when the worldly missional students are there, there is a fan-freaking-tastic salad bar. This salad bar had multiple kinds of lettuce, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, radishes, hot peppers, olives, cherry tomatoes, carrots, sunflower seeds, croûtons, raisins, craisons, chow mein noodles, bacon bits, and possibly more. To dress your salad there were homemade oil based dressings, the standard dressings and do it yourself oil and vinegar. I had the salad bar with every meal I could. And when I left I had withdrawal symptoms.

This weekend while I was back at Calvin for the Worship Symposium we had cafeteria style meals for two lunches and supper. This involved, you guessed it, a salad bar. The salad bar at Calvin didn't have quite as many veggies as the Mercy Center or the anything that was fresh and oil based, but mmm, it was still so good. And it really made me realize how much I love fresh(ish) veggies and so much fantastic saladness.

This also lead me think that the salad bar and the DSB need to be linked. So, secret, shy, waiting for the right time to create and opportunity man, you can research a great salad bar place to go to and I'll be happy and then full of veggies.

DSB

Dear Secret Boyfriend,

Its no secret that I have long believed that any lover of mine will have to have a diverse group of interests just like me. The standard has been that you must like (or at least tolerate warmly) both opera and football. I like both.

In that vein, I'd like to inform you that Monster Jam is at the Roger's Centre this weekend, weekend, weekend and I'd like to go. I've wanted to go to something like this for quite some time. So if you were looking for something to take me too that is pretty casual, but where we can have a lot of fun, then this might be a good idea. You won't have to make too much conversation, even for the drive there and back. Why? Because my line of conversation on the way there will be, "Truckasaurus is going to be there right? I read that online. I'm excited to see Truckasaurus. I saw him tv. How long till we get there and I get to see Truckasaurus?" And then on the way home it will be, "wasn't Truckasauras great? He's much larger in life than on tv. My there were a lot of mullets!" See, its like the total date package right there.

So you can think about that and get back to me.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Laura

Irwin And The Return Of The DSB

Once upon a time I moved into an apartment building and acquire a balcony. I also acquired a pigeon who spent a lot of time on that balcony. Since I half lived on the balcony, this pigeon and I spent a lot of time together. We got kind of close, I named him Irwin and we started dating. Then he got facebook and everything became official.

Things were good for a few months - I would wake up to the sounds of him singing, we'd watch the sun go down. He was a great listener, and I thought things would be good. Winter started to come and he was out flying a lot more. I saw him less and less. Then when the snow started to fly I began to see him cozying up with another pigeon - on the ledge above my balcony door no less.

I confronted him about this repeated cheating and well, after some deliberating realized I needed to be in a relationship where I was being respected and honoured. So Irwin and I broke it off last night.

I'm pretty sure that while I was dating Irwin there were few to no Dear Secret Boyfriend (DSB) posts. Rest assured these will resume now that I'm single again and all you men with your mad crushes and shy selves, well, you will once again be flooded with suggestions on how you can break the ice with me.

What A Man, What A Man, What A Man, What A Mighty Good Man!

marriedtothesea.com

Now that's what I call headship!

DSB

DSB,

If you have your own place and you wanted to hide candy all over it some time this weekend and then call me up and have me hunt for the candy I'd be ok with that.

DSB

Dear Secret Boyfriend,

You are doing a fantastic job at living up to one part of your name - the secret part. But the boyfriend part, well, I'm not gonna lie, you're doing a pretty shabby job on that end.

I was thinking, you should take me out for dinner and a movie soon. I'd like to see Freedom Writers if anyone is going to show it, or Children of Men (Simon said its good, but very intense at times), oh and I still haven't seen Casino Royale (its seems everybody but me has seen it). And I'm pretty easy on the dinner part.

Oh and maybe as a peace offering for your 5 year silence you could pick me up some blueberries or blackberries at Food Basics - they're on for 2 for 5$.

Trying not to smell like desperation,

Laura

DSB

Dear Secret Boyfriend;

Dr. T says that I need to see Open Season because there are about 5 bars of one of the songs we're doing in choir in it. So, that is your job - to take me to see it. You'd best be on that.

Lovingly yours,

Laura