90

Dear Grandma,

Today would have been your 90th birthday. I'm sad that I'm not packing to head home for the weekend to celebrate with the whole family. I would have loved to give you a birthday hug.

I miss you.
Love,

Laura

Shooting Star

Dear Grandma,

It'll be a year at dinner time that you left us. I can't say that 365 days has made me ok with that fact. I'm not sure what the interaction is like between earthly and heavenly realms, or even if there is any. I will not be surprised to find out that it is something we do down here to comfort ourselves. But I'm gonna pretend that one of the fun things to do in heaven is read blogs.

We had to go through many firsts this year - first non-wedding anniversary, non-birthday, Christmas, birthdays, Mother's day, Thanksgiving, Easter, births, etc. These things go on without you, but they don't look the same.

I still miss you quite a bit. I miss calling you after epic baseball games. I miss calling you when God moves in my life. I miss giving you hugs and receiving them. I miss writing you letters. I miss getting letters from you in the mail. I miss all the ways you loved my parents and how I benefited from that. I miss your laugh. I miss the fact that you rarely said good-bye at the end of a phone call. I miss sitting with my laptop and showing you pictures and trying to stop you from poking my screen with your jagged old lady fingernails. I miss teasing you about the constant poor performances of the Blue Jays. I miss having you agree with me that John can get into the craziest situations. I miss that you loved the things in my life, despite the fact that they were less exciting than John's. Mostly I miss you.

You probably know that Grandpa is doing well. But he tells us regularly that there is not a day that goes by where he does not miss you with his whole heart. I can only know pieces of what that feels like 'cause I only knew you for 27 years. He has known you and your beauty since you were both in grade school.

I want to tell you that all the love you gave me, the faith you had in me, and the faith you taught me are still living on. Grandma you were not just a drop in bucket. You were a beautiful wave in the ocean - one that is still rippling on.

I love you,

Laura

Not Quite

Today would have been Grandma Stewart's 89th birthday.

I miss you Grandma, I miss you a lot.

Today Was Kind Of Hard

There was a woman named Betty who had been in Chorus London for over 20 years. She 'retired' from the choir a few years ago. She passed away a couple of weeks ago after a battle with cancer. One of her wishes was that the choir would sing at her memorial.

The memorial was this morning. We were to sing Rutter's "The Lord Bless You And Keep You" and do parts on the 2 hymns that were sung. Easy right?

Wrong.

It may have been a little soon for me to do another funeral - and this one contained one of the hymns that we sang at Grandma Stewart's funeral and 2 of the Psalms, including the one I read. So I had all of that hitting me. The service was also in a funeral home chapel and the last time I was in one of those was after my friend Crystal was killed. So I had bits of that swirling around too.

I started to cry during one of the prayers and I'm sure there were a few people wondering how exactly I had been so touched at a memorial service for someone I had never met. But yeah, it put me in a bit of a funk for the rest of the day and really emphasized to me how much I miss my Grandma.

Close

Today would have been Grandma and Grandpa's 69th wedding anniversary.

Good Grief!

It is little secret, that my Grandma Stewart, like many other women, liked to treat just about anything with food. So it is little wonder that I would seek some comfort as I grieve in an old standby - cupcakes.

I found myself in Hamilton last night, in the home of a group of friends and decided to share a new recipe with them - and thus I give you, Griefcakes:

Its pretty much all parts sugar as you can see in the pile of ingredients:



Then take one sad granddaughter to mix them up:



Bake:



Cool:



Add icing:



Decorate:



And eat:

A Moment From Yesterday

The funeral was yesterday and rather than 1 person delivering the eulogy we opted to have sort of an open mic of memories and stories. At one point my cousin Drew, who is a member of the band Jazzberry Ram came up to share a short story. He reminded us that the band played a lot of university and college gigs and the best time to get those gigs was in September and January. When they crossed the country they would always stop in Brighton and stay with Grandma and Grandpa on their way out east or back to the west.

One September, Drew was watching tv with Grandpa. Grandpa doesn't see all that well and sits very close to a large tv in order to get anything from it. They had the news on and a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. And then while they were watching, the other plane hit. Grandpa heard the noise but couldn't make out what had happened and asked "What was that?" Drew replied, "well Grandpa, another plane just flew into the building." The two men were sitting there trying to comprehend what had just happened when Grandma stepped up to them and said, "turn that off, its time for breakfast."

Drew said that Grandma's way of dealing with terrorism in a post 9/11 context was to have a big breakfast.

The Process

Hi.

This is the first big family death for me. I reached 27 years of age with 4 grandparents. That's pretty stellar. But of all the grandparents to go first, it just had to be Grandma Stewart? She was my second mother. This is hard.

Family have been trickling into town in the same manor that baked goods and casseroles have. (I should really chart that) I picked John up from the airport last night. It feels right that the 4 of us are here now. The rest of our family from British Colombia will be here by Friday night. We have found places for them all to stay.

I think my Dad is in shock - he told my Mom to buy new mattresses for the beds that John and I have here. If you've ever slept in the cocoon - it will be no more. My back and my neck are ecstatic about this.

Yesterday was the meeting to decide everything about the funeral. If you're interested in coming its this Saturday at 11am at Carman United Church, just north of Brighton. There is lunch after. (just leave me a message if you want directions) It took almost 3 hours to get things figured out. There are so many details and I don't even realize half of them, I'm just a grandkid. I can only imagine what is swirling around the heads of my Dad and his 4 siblings.

And my Grandpa. I ache for him. Grandma was his worldview. She was his lens. I don't know how he will see. At 94 can you do a paradigm shift?

I am thankful for the support I have been getting personally - the emails, the facebook messages, the text messages, etc. I am really thankful for the group that is coming up to sing at the service. That just reads love. I will also be glad to see some friends, some faces that know me. As glad as I am to be around extended family, these peeps from the Hamilton area have spent more time with me and know how I operate. They are a part of my extended family too and I am so grateful to have their support, and in such a beautiful way.

You'll probably get some more disjointed paragraphs as times moves on.

Thank you.

Edna Elizabeth Stewart, November 20, 1919 - August 31, 2008

My Grandma Stewart died on Sunday night.



I really, really miss her.

Home

Grandma's going home tomorrow! Her 87th birthday is on Monday and I was really praying that she wouldn't be in the hospital for that. And she's not! Whoot! Praise the Lord!