Because I Didn't Do The Dishes

For two entire school years, every supper (except both Aprils) before Church in the Box I ate supper with the same chore group of women. Now I can't just say that I ate with them, I need to say that I ate food that was generously supplied and prepared by them. It was a really good deal.

Here's how it would go:

• Laura comes in for CITB and is a big stress bag because there were always insane things going wrong
• Laura quickly loses years off her life
• around 5 or 5:30 things would calm down enough that Laura could escape
• Laura escapes to the dorm of said lovely women and

1. freaks out
2. tries to sleep
3. takes something for her headache
4. remembers that she doesn't have any pre-service music to play
5. gets her pre-service 'staff' devotion together
6. makes lots of terrible jokes
7. makes Natalie laugh until she is pretty much hyperventilating
   
8. eats
9. realizes the time, freaks out and leaves in a very big hurry for the school

So basically that's how things went. It was a pretty involved process. Now the reason I am writing this post is to give shout out to Steph. Steph is the unofficial mother among this women, not because she's older or has actual children of her own, but because she is responsible and has some great maternal instincts. She was the one that ensured food would be ready and usually that it was food that I love.

Last night we had a little reunion of these ladies at the dorm that Steph is now a Residence Advisor for (aka she is one step closer to being a real Mom) and once again her matronly field general skills delivered a great time of eating and socializing.

Go Steph.

Giving Up/Holding On

Last night was my last Church in the Box as a staff member. It also kind of marked my last responsibility with Redeemer. Though I have a couple of work things to do, this was my last 'big' thing to do. So in essence I'm just waiting for grad.

The second last song we sang last night was Give Us Clean Hands, which contained the line from which we mounted our annual theme - a generation seeking Your face. I've always loved singing that song at CITB because most of us are of the same generation. So I feel like it is literally a generation singing/crying out to God and asking Him to be a generation of children seeking after Him. I spoke with a couple of other people last night about this and they said they felt the same way. One friend said she found herself taking a moment to look around at the hundreds of other people in her age group with hands raised, voices pouring out from hearts, and asking for the same thing.

The prayer team sits spread throughout the auditorium for blanket prayer coverage, and this month I found myself near the middle of the top of the balcony. So while we were singing these lines "Oh God let us be a generation that seeks, that seeks your face oh God of Jacob" I had my hands fully outstretched - right out to the finger tips and below me was almost the entire congregation and I felt as a departing part of this generation God was pouring His energy and His blessings out through my hands to all the people below.

The last song of the night was a traditional song of benediction at Redeemer - My Friends May You Grow in Grace. The lyrics for that (as I can't find them online) are as follows:

My friends may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour. My friends may you grow in grace and in the love of Jesus Christ.

To God be the glory, now and forever. Now and forever, amen. To God be the glory, now and forever. Now and forever, amen.

During this song the entire congregation took the hands of their neighbours and linked all of the rows of seating together. The way this usually happens (and last night was no different) was that we stand there holding hands during My friends may you grow in grace... and then for the To God be the glory... part everyone lifts their hands up. So during the last song of my last CITB (as a team member), my last time to worship as a registered member of this community, I got to sing my prayer for this community. I so desperately want them to grow in these things. I understandably got a little misty at this point. And then as we were singing To God be the glory... it was like the perfect concluding statement. Yes, to God be the glory for this ministry year with CITB. To God be the glory for a 6 year undergrad in 7 years. To God be the glory for healing after migraines, depression, allergies, abuse, pneumonia, broken relationships... To God be the glory for almost 27 years of life. And to God be the glory for however many years are left. To God be the glory.

La Tendresse

Tonight is my last night to work some very talented women.



The 2008 Church in the Box: Creative & Expressive Worship Team
(back row, left to right) Sarah R, Nicole D, Joy J, Amy P, Silvie J
(front row, left to right) Chelsea S, Laura S, Rachel T, Jenni H

Come tonight and see some of these girls (and a contract boy) speak some truth and dance some prayers. 7pm, Redeemer auditorium - Syd Hielema is speaking.

FYI

You should know that Church in the Box is this Sunday night, in the Redeemer auditorium at 7pm. This month's theme is Christ the Foundation/Brother, the offering is for World Wide Christian Schools. The speaker is a woman that I have known for a very long time, who I think has a very dynamic story to tell of the power and tenacity of God. The speaker is me.

You should come.

G-Riggity

Vell, I and 14 other worship leadery type students are trickling down to GR for the Calvin Worship Symposium. I'm driving a van full of students leaving tomorrow afternoon. Now I have heard some people not be too excited about this event, because they say that after you go to it for a few years there is nothing new for you to learn, etc, etc. These people are all musicians, and maybe its true if you only go to sessions on how to make your praise band better and how to write praise music. But I am SO diggity dang excited to be going. This is my second time going and seriously I feel like each time is a weekend of professional development for me.

Since I'm sure my parents are curious, I thought I'd copy in the descriptions of all the sessions I'm registered for -

Worship Through Visual and Interactive Arts: How to Develop, How to Begin—Steven Caton
Most, if not all, eagerly support the idea of worship through art and the senses. But it still seems to be an elusive worship component in many churches. How is art created for worship? How do you generate ideas for art? How do you get people involved? How do you ensure art supports the greater scope of the sermon or ministry? How do you plan for such items? How do you end up not doing it all yourself and burning out?! Our congregational team has been on a long journey of finding answers to these questions; getting worshipers involved through participation and the senses. Come hear the philosophy behind such a ministry and get some practical ideas and resources for follow-through back home.

Redeeming Ritual: Lessons from Iona—Doug Gay
Doug Gay, an Associate Member of the Iona Community, will reflect on the ambivalence towards ritual in Reformed/low church traditions and how we might move beyond this. He takes two key rituals from the weekly worship cycle of Iona Abbey in Scotland: the Act of Healing and the Act of Commitment, reflecting on how they work and arguing that many churches—traditional and emerging—could benefit from incorporating them as regular elements in their worshiping life.

Lament in the Context of Corporate Worship—Michael Card and Calvin Seerveld
In this session, you will have an opportunity to witness the remarkable relationship between Michael Card and Calvin Seerveld as together they provide some concrete and creative examples—spoken and musical—of incorporating lament into worship.


An Introduction to the Principles and Practice of Liturgical Dance—Shelley Marinus
In this session, we will learn the purpose of liturgical dance and some basic elements of choreography for worship. We will also be exploring the Psalms through movement.

The Holy Spirit and Worship—Mariano Avila
We will explore the biblical teaching on the central role that the Holy Spirit plays in worship. Dependence and freedom, order and spontaneity, reverent silence and joyful noise will be some of the paradoxes we will explore in the framework of Scripture. Our purpose is to inform some of our present-day worship practices and enrich, challenge, and transform them for the glory of the Lord we worship.

Panel Discussion on Church Galleries, moderated by Betsy Steele Halstead with Makoto Fujimura, Bern Lewis, Kelly Sisson, Vange Van Huesen, and Michael Winters
There continues to be a growing interest in church visual art galleries, exhibitions, and educational opportunities related to art within our churches. In this session we will be joined by church leaders who have well-established programs and those who have just begun organizing a visual arts ministry. Hear how these ministries have come to be a catalyst for outreach, a way of enriching the congregation’s preparation for worship, a building block of their educational ministries, and a unique way of encouraging intergenerational fellowship.

Highly Favored: The Virgin Mary in Visual Art—Bert Polman
This session will focus on the depiction of Mary, the mother of Christ, in historical and contemporary works of art. It will be held in conjunction with the Calvin College art gallery exhibit “Highly Favored: Contemporary Images of the Virgin Mary,” which is a CIVA-produced show of recent Protestant, Orthodox, and Catholic Marian art.

Offering Our Neighbors’ Pain to Jesus Who Wept—Calvin Seerveld
Why did Jesus weep in John 11? Is it possible for us to sing comfort to those in pain, or not? We will examine a range of attempts from Psalms, Gregorian chant, Genevan tunes, Mahler’s Kindertotenlieder, African-American Blues, to current pop song.

CITB

(Talking like a robot) Earthlings, Church in the Box is this Sunday at 7pm in the Redeemer Auditorium. The current scheduled speaker is Urban Promises' Colin McCartney. The offering will be going to the Sierra Leone Literacy Project. You should come.

End transmission.

Good News

I'm CITB chair for next year. *grin*

A Pilgrim's Journey

Well I'm back from Mecca. And I'm not so raging at Satan for trying to prevent our departure. But let me let you in on that. I have wanted to go to the Calvin Worship Symposium for years. Finally this year being a part of CITB leadership it was made available to me. Two of my friends had told me leading up to the event that God was going to be speaking to me there. I was really excited to go. Then, Thursday afternoon I get a series of msn messages from Miranda telling me all about how the road to the boarder (at Sarnia) was closed and parts of the 402 were closed eastbound and westbound, and how there had been 30 accidents and all sorts of other craziness. I had to pass this on to Syd. He was under a lot of pressure to make a decision about leaving - when and if. It was decided that leaving Thursday night would be too treacherous with a big van full of people, so we opted to delay until morning to see what the weather would be like. I spoke to Syd after choir and it seemed pretty grim - that we would not be going at all. I was very upset - tears flowed as I tried to figure out why God get my hopes so high, just to have them squashed. Also most of the people going were not all that thrilled about leaving the next morning and missing workshops. So those of us who had a very strong desire to go made it known to Syd. Before it got too late he decided that if the roads were good enough we would take his car and the three of us who had impressed upon him our need to go, would go. I woke up early Friday morning, showering in faith that we would be leaving a little later - and we did! We did hit about an hour of snow covered roads and blowing conditions. But Syd's skilled driving got us there safely and in time for the 1:45 workshops.

I won't get into the details of the workshops here, you can sit down and ask me sometime if you'd like. I went to a bunch on more drama and movement oriented worship stuff and some more church health workshops too. It was sad that I missed the one I was going to do on prayer while we were travelling. I would really like to go next year and while I hope to do more drama stuff, I'd really like to focus on prayer. I will say that everything I came in contact with touched me in some way. Some things have got me thinking, others doing, others moving. So I'm taking today to chew on some of this stuff. I need to sort what can be used for CITB, what can be used for my vocational aspirations, or both, and what can used in everyday life and my life as a member of two congregations.

Good stuff. You should go.

Be There

Unless you're doing 40 days of Mercy, you had better be at Church in the Box this Sunday in the Redeemer Auditorium at 7pm. The speaker this month is Colin McCartney, the Executive Director of Urban Promise Canada. He will be sharing about paring down our lives and making things simple before God.

The CEW team is leading off the service with a frenzy of art being done LIVE on stage.

Darren Sinke is this month's Testamovie.

So, again, you should come. Good times and challenges indeed.

Struck Down, But Not Destroyed

A little honesty time...

Tonight was disappointing. I had worked for 4 days on the first 'Testimovie' for tonight's Church in the Box and it didn't work: aka it didn't play. Four days of cameras not being available, cameras not working, file extensions being wrong, file extensions taking forever to be changed, snobby Microsoft programs, people not showing up when they were supposed to, etc, etc; only to end up with nothing. But I know its not nothing. After all it was my testimony that was going to be shown. And I know that what I had to say had worth, I think that was what made it a little more disheartening - to be defeated by the limitations of technology and the inner workings of Satan when my own heart was involved. I know that we can show it in October or put it on the CITB website or whatever. But it still hurt.

And I was tired. Do you know what the CITB prayer team does? Do you? Cause before I was on it, I really didn't know. I knew there were prayer servants around after the service or during if you could find them. But I didn't know about all the other stuff. Now, keep in mind that I'm also on the CEW team, so I don't get to spend time during the week with the prayer team, but let me tell you about what goes down on a CITB Sunday for the prayer team: 4 hours before the service starts the PT is meeting. We talk about any issues that have come up concerning the service; things God has told us, etc, and then we move into the aud. Once we're in the aud we spend a good 1-2 hours praying in there: claiming the space as God's sanctuary, for his people. We pray against Satan, who likes to take up residence there, for all of the seats in the aud and the bodies that will come to fill them, for speakers, presentations, technology (HA!), all of that kind of stuff. Then sometimes we're back one hour before the service to pray more, but always we join the rest of the teams half an hour before the service for prayer and devotions. During the service the PT is spread strategically throughout the auditorium for blanket prayer coverage - this includes someone behind the black curtain on the stage. This I feel (at least for me) is where some of the hardest and most draining work comes. Its kinda like everyone is watching the same TV program, but you're also reading the subtitles. Expansion: we're always listening, feeling for what is going on spiritually during a service - if attention is waiving, if Satan is attacking band members; its hard to explain, but I know that I'm watching this whole other thing happen during the service. I have to stop and pray with all that I have at times because of something God has helped me discern. He generally helps me discern at lot during services. He gives me lots of things to pray about at lots of different times. And then there is the after the service prayer - where we meet anyone who needs someone to pray with - both joy and sorrow there - and people who've been hit with a cement mixer named God. But alllll of it is draining. A feeling that you could equate to how you feel after a very long exam; you didn't exactly do anything physical, but man are you tired and drained!

And I'm sick. I've been sick since July. Remember the viral infection pseudo saga? Well it never ended. I just stopped posting. I kept on getting these times of heightened body temperature and shakes and light headedness. It was only around every 7-10 days, and then as it got time for school (and then the starting of school) it was 5-7, 3-5, 1-3 and now I'm shaking every day. The food that I'm eating is keeping me stable headed for less and less time and I struggle to sit through a class or choir without feeling lightheaded, dizzy, heavy or exhausted. Jesus, the doctor and I are working on figuring this one out. But it seems to be taking its time. This week I caught a cold that went on top of this regular sickness. It had me laying on the Van Harten's couch for most of Saturday. Even after laying down for good amounts of time, it felt like I was swimming in my own skull. Fun. Ha. I told my Mom this past week, that I wasn't getting any better. A little while after she sent me an email in which she told me that if my involvement with CITB was going to be a toll on my health then maybe I should not be doing it. I told her that I would rather add a semester to my degree than resign from my position (one I feel excessively called to) with CITB.

So you put sick x2 and spiritually drained in the same bag as disappointment (shaken around by hard work) and you get a pretty deflated Laura. But, like the title of this post says, I'm struck down, but not destroyed. Heather VH was kind enough to point out that Satan likes to take advantage of me in times like this; that he can lead me to times of beating up on myself. This is true. She and others pointed out that perhaps the Testimovie foible was setting up something else. Or that perhaps God is trying to tell me something that I hadn't heard yet. Regardless it requires listening - a skill I have been sharpening lately. I relish the time in which I get to ask God questions, when he tells me things, when we simply 'be'. And it is these times that get me through the disappointment (and the joy).